There was no ‘before porn’ for me to call on when trying to build a healthy sexual relationship with my wife and as I write this I am discovering the depths porn has invaded my life and, very unfairly, my wife’s life.

She had saved herself for me and while she knew I had ‘been around the block’ in my pre Jesus era, though since being saved I had not had sex with anyone, and was a born again...

‘The road from wholeness to brokenness is always down hill’

The major problem I had was the car I was in had no brakes and was gathering speed and taking roads that plunged me deeper into dark images that would, and should, have repulsed me.  As a young Christian I was always surprised at the weak leaders who got caught in such absolute sinful actions. I am so much better than that and I must...

‘You are only as sick as your darkest secret’

How is it that I connect with people everyday, providing guidance, spiritual direction, hope or just a listening ear yet I am so lonely? I am either keeping or hearing the secrets of the heart or am embarking on yet another round of development with a mentor spouting the same old church/family life balance as we dream of greater ways to reach the...

"There is no such thing as a free lunch"

I was about to pay the "reaper" for years of secret consumption.

At this point I wish I could say I was the courageous one who had had an epiphany and decided to change his life for the best and boldly walked the road of redemption, healing and finally glory.  Instead I was a coward hiding in the shadows living in fear that as a minister my dark...

Have you noticed how beginnings can be so small, random and seemingly serendipitous?  I have just finished reading another biography where the success of the main character can be traced back to a small event that if not jumped upon could have been missed.  For great or for destruction the beginning often seems so harmless.

The trap was set and I walked straight into it and was snared, they...

There is an old Indian saying ‘The first thirty years you make habits, the next thirty years those habits make you’.

The lifestyle of a sexual addict has ‘owned’ me since I was a teenager who discovered a discarded porno magazine and let it into my life.  Granted others may not have been captured as quickly or as totally as I was, but there seemed to be a ‘filling’ connection for a moment that...

Why is winning so difficult?  What an easy slide it was into an addiction to pornography, I wish my natural inclination was to chase purity just as hard as it chased destruction.

I have always struggled with disciplines. I am the last minute guy it’s feast or famine when it comes to exercise, bible study, prayer, sermon prep, maintenance.  While the thought of being ‘found out’ was my greatest...

You put your right foot in, right foot out, right foot in now shake it all about…

I’m not much of a dancer, in fact I have been compared to a plucked chicken connected to the mains power (that’s 240volts here in New Zealand) yet I side stepped, leaped, and Hokie Pokied like a pro to keep the darkest part of me a secret.

One moment I am all in, preaching the word of God, visiting the hurt ...