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Darkness in my Heart

Posted on August 21st, 2013 in Students Confessions

I discovered porn at 12 years old and started masturbating at age 14. I was saved about two years ago and last year I really began connecting with the youth group and God. The battle has not been any easier. To my shame, I continuously pursued my lustful and dark desire, even though I felt convicted every time when the act was done. I discovered a more interesting and wicked way to “satisfy” my lust. I stopped going on porn sites and went to teen chat sites with webcams. I would private cam with girls and you can imagine the rest. My mind is constantly tempted by this dark side of me; the enemy constantly in my ear. Even now as I type this I am heavily tempted. I hear the Spirit’s voice in my head screaming at me and trying to take me away, but I cast it aside and continue… It feels as if my mind thinks one thing and my body thinks another. I ask God’s forgiveness and strength, because I am being called as more of a leader, yet I am constantly brought down by this evil passion to watch pornography. I wish I could say that my close friends hold me accountable, but they really haven’t been. I can confide in my youth leader, who is in college; not the sole specifics, but as God says, no sin is greater than the other and he also struggles with it. Sexual immorality is sexual immorality.

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