Strangely, I feel closer to God than ever, yet am in the midst of a battle I know only God has the power to heal. The sexual drive is a wild, untameable 'wild horse' as another user on here put it. In fact, as John Eldredge says in his book 'Journey of Desire', God's creativity is wild and untameable, just look at the animal kingdom.

Fact is, when the sexual drive comes over me, as an unmarried virile young(ish) man ;) it is very difficult to control. In my past I was a drug addict, and whilst on crack indulged in grotesque sexual acts with people I didn't find in the least attractive, the dirtier and seedier the better. Of course, now, with the Holy Spirit of God living in me, what was once exciting in its seediness is now filthy and unclean. Thankfully, the purity of Jesus has taken away my shame. But I still struggle with one thing, that is, part of me, my sinful nature, wants to revisit all those ways I used to live.

Recently God showed me his immense power, and set me free from this for a season. I know He can do it again. So please Lord, I am in a place, that again, where I would rather have no sexuality at all than continue with the struggle of desire. Release me, set me free, and anoint me to do your will in power, and prepare me for the wife you have for me. Your child an warrior. Amen.