I've struggled off an on with pornography for decades. When I was a young boy, I remember a friend and I challenging each other to get the sexiest picture of a girl we could find. This was the early 70s, so we didn't have a lot to pick from like today, but he found a bikini pic and I ripped a page of artwork from one of my mom's books. Hey - the painting was of a naked woman, so it fit!

I would draw my own pornography at times (tracing pics) and in late high school would rent soft porn tapes at the video store - R rated skin flicks - from time to time. In college it turned into more skin flicks and Playboy. After college, it became more Playboy and then - what changed it all for most of us - the internet and chat rooms.

I would have cybersex and such with girls in chat rooms and look at porn often online. Though I rarely joined a site, and almost always, even to this day, avoided "hard core" sites, it was the same story. It would come and go in terms of frequency, but it was always there, if not latent.

In my early 30s I married and soon after we adopted a child and then had a baby. I had a six-figure job. But I got back into pornography, looking at it online at work. I think I was found out because I was let go - by my two brothers with whom I worked, no less. My marriage was on the rocks. We moved states and a year or so later, me having still been engaged with pornography, my wife found out - as all inevitably do. She kicked me out - effectively leaving me, even though I was the one who had to leave. And she never looked back.

My son was 2 and my daughter 5 when we divorced. My son has now lived longer without me than he did with me, which breaks my heart. She moved two states away then remarried, moving one state closer. Regardless, I may never again drive my kids to school or share in those special things with them. I'd move down there with them but she's very unstable and has moved 4 timed in 3 years.

And you would think I would have learned my lesson. But I didn't. And haven't. I still - to this day - find myself drawn back to pornography. It's free. It's always there. It fills the time. It takes my mind off my loneliness. But since my divorce I've lost one job and have another that doesn't even pay the bills. I went from a 3000sqft house to a 2bed apt. And I'm bored, and depressed.

I've been medicated for the depression, but now, without health insurance, I don't take anything. And I can tell. I've installed the 3XWatch on my PC and on my Android phone, but unfortunately, I'm smart with technology and found a way around it on my phone - I think. I guess the first report will find out. I've notified the developers of the potential loop hole so it can be fixed.

Pornography is destroying my life. I know it. I can see it and feel it. Yet I do next to nothing about it. It's like an old friend that I don't want to fully sever ties with. But I know I need to. Please pray for me.

Thanks.