This is my first time submitting information about my problem on the web. I've checked out this site, and I feel safe. I feel a need to share because I know by doing this, it helps me and helps others. I had a slip up with internet porn yesterday as well as masturbation, both of which I know are harmful to me based on much experience. I had almost a year free of porn, but started relapsing several months ago. I am attending 12 step meetings (SAA) to help. I feel very conflicted in my walk with Christ, and know this is an area I need healing with. I still have anger with God which surfaces about my divorce 4 years ago, and about seeming insurmountable debt. It seems like some of my biggest dreams in life have been smashed, and this adds fuel to the addiction: I'm entitled, what's the use? I'm depressed, I'm bored etc piles on top of that.

What works: I try to make daily calls to those that suffer from the same problem. I've found it helps break through the emotional hangups I have that are building up daily to the next slip up. This last one happened because I was out of town for a week with my kids, and didn't find a way to make time for me and my sexual recovery. I have worked through the 12 steps, and feel I need to do this again. Admitting my wrongs (sin tendencies) to others, and releasing them to God really helped. Going to 12 step meetings: I have found that I receive the best help from those that really suffer from sexual addiction, those that have truly been AFFLICTED by this. I just don't feel others I have shared this with, including pastors understand. I am just speaking for myself here. Maybe others will relate. Pastoral care and prayer has definitely helped me too, I just feel the level of connection is different. Reading the Bible has helped as well as praying to God. I just don't do enough of these, and this is an area in which I am stuck!
I feel better after sharing this. I will commit myself to reading some of the Bible tonight. I also will call back one of my accountability friends to let him know I used the internet safely (I try to call before and after). I will check this site again either tomorrow or the next.
God bless
AS