I messed up last night and looked at porn. It had been a little while so I feel even more gross and ashamed. I woke up this morning feeling disgusting. The only thing that made me feel less guilty was to look again and feel good for a moment so - I masturbated twice this morning to porn. Oh God I don't deserve the job you've given me and the people I'm supposed to love. I want to get married to my girlfriend, but I'm not ready/deserving. I'm sorry God. I'm sorry to the girl I love. I'm sorry to my church and those under my leadership. I've failed.