I feel so broken right now. I've been saved since I was fifteen and I have never been closer with God then I was then. I've been serving Him since before I was saved, and I have been in constant prayer, and I know what it is I need to do, but how do I get motivated? I feel like the Holy Spirit has left me. I feel like an empty shell. All I want to do is sulk. My wife deserves better. My son deserves better. I feel like they should just go ahead and go on with their lives and leave me to succumb to my failures. I feel like God has no place for me. My wife doesn't understand what porn does to you and she never will. She won't go to counseling and I just feel like I am never going to get out of this. I just have no direction And not just with getting out of porn addiction, but with the book that I felt God was calling me to write; with the charity I felt God was calling me to lead; with the youth that I felt God was calling me to counsel; and with the family I felt God was calling me to make...

I saw this thing in a store that defined my name. My name is Ian. It explained the origin of "Ian" and then it went on to explain that it means a man who is strong on the inside and cares about others. I am so weak. I fail every test that God has put before me except the one of stepping out in faith. Oh I have no problem with that I have quit a job before I had other ones lined up, I've moved, joined the military, started writing a book, married my dream girl....but where does that leave me? With a lot of responsibility and no strength to follow through.