My name is Nate. I prayed to receive Christ when I was eight years old. I love porn. I've been battling that beast ever since I saw that first playboy back in fifth grade.
I went to church throughout my childhood up until I was 19 or 20. As I got older I became bored with church and I wanted to do what I wanted to do. And I wanted to look at porn all the time. I was never a bad kid. I didn't drink until I was 21. I have never done any drugs. The only woman I've had sex with is my wife. Yes we had sex before we were married but we held out a long time.
I have always used porn as a supplement to beating off. I always told myself that PORN just helped me to achieve a better orgasm. But after awhile(years and years) I became bored with the normal porn and I started to seek more extreme porn.
Oh yeah, I married my high school sweetheart after six years of dating and careful planning.
Now I told myself that I would stop looking at porn when I got married. I did for a little while but then the hunger came back. I guess I needed to go back to my roots. My routine. I told myself that I would stop looking at porn when both my daughters were born. Oh I stopped each time but always went back to the ol' porn.
In my late teens I got involved in the fire service. I liked being known as the guy to go to for porn movies. A lot of the guys I worked with loved having a go to guy for porn. This sent me further down the rabbit hole.
My thirst for porn reached an all time high while I was married and after we had our first daughter. I NEEDED to look at porn so bad that I couldn't wait for my wife to go to work, my daughter to take a nap so I could look at porn and jack it. It got so bad that I didn't even want to have sex with my wife anymore. I also found that I would seek the comfort of Satan's sluts when I got mad at my wife. Bad ju ju. I would get my jack on and then instantly the guilt would crush me.
Now this is the cool part. I sincerely felt like the holy spirit was knocking on my heart and saying," Uh, hello? what are you doing? did you forget that i'm in here? you can ask me for help anytime. I LOVE YOU." Through a series of strange happenings that can only be explained as GOD working in my life, He brought me back into His embrace.
I went just over a year PORN free. By reading the Bible, reading spiritual growth books and referencing xxxchurch.com. I tripped up when I stopped doing those things. When you don't have a constant influx of the Lord coming into your heart daily you will not be successful in anything. I've been Porn free this time for over three months now. I've even abstained from beating off. You can't beat off because it opens the door for Evil. I know that sounds dramatic but it's the truth. I'm memorizing scripture. Currently Psalm 27. I also read a book called think before you look, 40 reasons to avoid pornography. I highly recommend it for anyone. I pray, I read, and I stay out of fantasy land. That is very important. I also share with people the struggles I've had with porn and how I've overcome them. I am not ashamed nor will I ever be. I don't believe in negative experiences. You can turn everything into a positive. I have shared with lots of people and they've thanked my for being open and honest. I've told my wife everything and she forgives me. I know that we are born into sin and only through Christ can we be brought out of it. The really cool thing is my relationship with Christ has gotten stronger then it has ever been.
Well thats it. Thanks for everything you all do at xxxchurch. Peace Out