I found my Dad's dirty magazine around 12 years old. Later found videos of softcore sexuality and started looking for nudity and sex scenes on tv and movies. I started masterbating at age 16. This drive and sin came to new heights when i was introduced to internet pornagraphy. During college classes and at home I risked it all for the pleasures of the flesh. I worked for a computer business after college and was constantly online, also coming across customers porn. It was feeding me. All my relationships were shallow during this period and I ran form commitments and intamacy. I thought i could get away from it all. I moved halfway across the country and got a different job. I met a girl within 3 months of moving to Maine and moved in with her. The internet pornagraphy resurfaced right away. I would stay up late at night, all hours of the day while home alone. After 3 years of shame and guilt I moved out. I started searching for love in the wrong places. I started acting out when porn wasn't enough. When porn wasn't enough i started webcamming. I then cheated on my girlfriend. After it happened I confessed after about 4 months of guilt. I started going back to chrurch and even joined a small group. I met some good new healthy friends. So we broke up and i started jumping into relationships right away. As a fix for the pain i would guess. The porn and masterbation was still there until Aug 2008. I started dating a new girl and made an oath i would not look at porn or masterbate again for her. I also stopped txting any other girl and deleted my myspace. I traded it for sex it seems. After a while i felt sick to my stomach. I broke it off after 3 months but continued having sex with her. She later then broke it off completely telling me i was completely different. So I was all set to stay single get involved more in church When a girl that i saw last year started talking to me again. I fell for her in march. I am not living with her but fall into temptation and bed with her when i am week. We started talking about marriage and we want the same things. She is divorced and already has a son. She wants a family. She is my neighbor and i already have hung out with her son before we started dating and grown to like him. I still feel trapped by my sexual sin but fear losing her. I don't know if im ready for marriage. I am just not sure what i should do.