The hardest part of having an addiction is the realization that you actually have an addiction. Denial is such a strong desire. Yes, it's a desire because we want so bad to believe that what we are doing is NOT wrong. You build up such a strong wall that you convince yourself that what you are doing is not bad but actually good. My porn addiction is a by product of another addiction, gambling. It's funny how the two are so close together once you start to win in one area, the women, partying, playboy lifestyle follows. If you are not ready for it, it will eat you for dinner. I kicked my gambling habit and haven't been back in a casino to gamble in about three years but my porn addiction grew....and grew....and grew. I don't know how I survived some of the low parts of the last ? couple of years. It is only know that I know that God was looking out for me. You might say to yourself, why would God look out for me, a kid who once went 30 days straight to a strip club? Because I'm here to tell you about it and that's a start. You start out just being an average joe. Then you start to be friendly, tip a little here and there, maybe get a dance or two and then you go home. No harm no foul. Then you exchange numbers and then you text and start coming to the club more often. The owner gives you a VIP card for free admission and then you start spending more time in the lap dance room. Then you want to take your "relationship" to the next level and you go to the champagne room. This becomes a daily occurrence where you don't feel comfortable anywhere but in the 10 by 10 room. You can't function. You go to bed at night dreaming of the girl you just say a few hours ago and wake up in the morning itching to see her again. Then comes the tube sites. You realize that when you run out of money (and you will sooner than you think) she starts to call and text less and doesn't talk to you at the club. Depression sets but the internet is there and there is always someone who wants to see you. The chat rooms become your domain and it starts to take over. Before you realize it, you lost a year of your life. Now, how did God look out for me. Because there were so many times that I felt down, alone, empty. I was driven to search for that same high that I felt the very first time. Truth is that you will never ever feel that first high again. That's the tricky thing about porn. There is always some new girl, guy, group, orgy, etc that is hotter and better than anything you've seen before. But it ends and then you're constantly searching for the next thing. That's the black hole. But there is hope and his name is Jesus Christ. He fills that hole. Am I healed? No, I have a long way to go still but I'm confident that through all my experiences, I'm on the right track. Because today, there are two sets of footprints in the sand. I'm not fighting this fight alone. I'm a porn addict & a gambling addict. As Proverbs 28:13 says "You can't whitewash your sins & get by with it. You find mercy by admitting & leaving them." Here they lay....