I have really enjoyed reading everyone’s comments in response to the blogs.  I love that there is a place where we can come together and have healthy discussions about our struggles.   However, there are a few comments I’d like to respond to with some of my thoughts.

Do I think the Lord has a once size fits all plan for our lives and healing journeys?  No.

In response to a post that stated,

“I was involved in all of it...exodus, living waters, healing prayer. I know my experience and the experience of others in leadership. White washed tombs with dry bones piled up inside.”

Can we make judging statements about people or organizations for where they are in their journey or for doing what they feel God has called them to do?  No

We are all on our own journey and the Lord has a unique plan and special purpose for each of our lives.  We are all growing, learning, and maturing until we die.  No one is a finished product, so we are going to make mistakes, say wrong things, and struggle sometimes.  We can’t stop and judge someone for where they are in their development.  And we can’t say that being healed from homosexuality is impossible just because there have been people who have tried to overcome it and have failed.  We are simply called to push into our own relationship with the Lord, follow what he is leading us to do, and love everyone around us on the way. 

I’d ask that you please ask the Lord for discernment when reading any of my posts and the responses to them. There may be some great truths but there also may be some conjectures on my part.  If you look to the Lord when something hits you, positively or negatively, He will let you know whether you need to accept it or reject it.  I do this when reading anything.  If I feel my spirit come alive while reading I may look at accepting it as truth.  But if something causes confusion or makes me question the path the Lord is leading me down I may consider rejecting that statement. 

The possibility certainly exists that I will look back at these blog posts in a few years and see some things that I would have said differently but right now I just write what I feel the Lord is leading me to write (John 8:28 “..and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me”).

I am not writing in hopes to change your desires from liking men to liking women.  I am writing in hopes of helping you along your path into wholeness in Christ.  Coming into relationship with him, giving yourself grace for where you are right now and submitting to the Lord’s unique and specific plan for your life is all that matters.

For some of you that may mean you lose your desires for men and are filled with desires for women.  For others it may mean you consider yourself “bisexual” or like in Tristan’s case, someone who has replied to many of the blogs, you lose all sexual desires.  And for others it may mean keeping the same desires for men and learning how to keep them in healthy boundaries (whatever the Holy Spirit lays on your heart there). 

But one thing remains constant: you have to submit to the Lord and what He has for you.  You have to know the Lord loves you and knows what is best for you life.  You have to give yourself grace and accept yourself for exactly where you are right now (desires for men and all).  If you change, you change.  If you don’t, then you don’t.  That should not be your focus!

 Jesus healed people in many different ways. He did this because he knew if he did the same thing every time we would make an idol or a process out of that one thing.   I use the concept of healing loosely here because it is going to mean different things to different people.  Only you know what kind of healing the Lord is calling you into and He is healing us all in unique ways!  Healing prayer has played a huge role in my story.  Tristan said he was healed instantly one day.  Others may have found healing through Exodus and Living Waters programs.  And still others may have seen no results from any of these. 

The most important thing is to focus on learning about Jesus and his character.  Focus on listening and spending time with Him.  Focus on loving and building open and honest relationships with the people around you.  Focus on giving your money and resources to people in need.  Focus on learning the disciplines of Christ (The Spirit of the Disciplines by Dallas Willard really helped me in this area).  Focus on finding new and exciting ways to worship! Focus on celebrating your life and the unique person God created you to be!  If you accept your desires for men and yet are struggling with pornography, then push into the Lord for healing in that area.  Just because you have desires for men doesn’t mean God doesn’t work in your life!

Our world is broken and there are so many hurting people in it.  The Gospels are called the Good News for a reason!  We need to let people know that they no longer have to be in bondage to sin!  "He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live in righteousness.” (1 Peter 2:24)  Sin sucks!  I am ready to live in righteousness! 

The Lord has brought me amazing freedom in many areas of my life.  I no longer look at porn and masturbation no longer has control over me -- two things I thought I would never overcome.  I no longer try to manipulate the men in my life to meet my codependent needs.  The deep connections I now have with men are so fulfilling and uplifting.  I am learning to understand, appreciate, and love the beauty and the mystery of a woman.  I am excited to wake up every morning and I am filled with overwhelming peace and Joy. 

In midst of all this victory I still have areas of struggle. I still have desires for men and it is something I have never denied or tried to hide.  But it is no longer my focus.  My focus is growing into a deeper relationship with the creator of our universe who lovingly pursues me.  J