We get flooded with questions daily, and many of them come from parents wondering exactly what to do when it comes to their kids and sex.
Working with XXXchurch.com has opened a lot of doors for me, especially in regards to learning about the many different sides of human sexuality. I've worked with both pastors and porn stars. I've had conversations with everyone from the common man whose pornography addiction has spun out of control to the pornography actress whose substance abuse addiction keeps her in front of the cameras.
These interactions have given me experiences and insights that will be valuable when I start to have these conversations about sex with my kids.
Notice I used the word “conversations” just now. Plural. That was on purpose. Because talking about sex is not a one-time, get-it-all-out-on-the-table type of talk. This should be an ongoing conversation in your family, one you will pick up with your child again and again as they grow and mature. Think of it as a series of conversations that get progressively deeper.
Below are 28 action steps we feel strongly about when it comes to the issues of porn and sex. We believe these principles provide the best approach to what is, quite literally, a touchy subject. In 2013, we will be releasing a book for parents about these principles, titled Touchy Subjects.
Principle 1: You and Your Spouse Need to Talk First
Principle 2: It Is Going to Be Difficult
Principle 3: Write Things Down in Advance
Principle 4: The Earlier, the Better
Principle 5: Initiate
Principle 6: Ask Questions
Principle 7: Listen
Principle 8: Use Everyday Opportunities To Talk
Principle 9: Use Real-Life Situations to Talk About Sex
Principle 10: Talk to Your Kids Specifically and Individually
Principle 11: Have a Sense of Humor
Principle 12: Talk About It Again and Again
Principle 13: Know What Your Kids Are Talking About
Principle 14: Asking Questions Doesn’t Mean They’re Doing It
Principle 15: Don’t Assume Your Kid Is Perfect
Principle 16: Patience
Principle 17: Share Your Values
Principle 18: Talk About Fighting Peer Pressure
Principle 19: Talk With Them About Reasons To Wait
Principle 20: Don’t Avoid the ‘Safe Sex’ Talk
Principle 21: Be Honest
Principle 22: Accurate Information
Principle 23: If You Don’t Know the Answer, Admit It
Principle 24: Don’t Hide Your Past
Principle 25: Grace
Principle 26: Reassure Them that Not Everyone Is Doing It
Principle 27: Remind Them that It’s Their Choice and Nobody Else’s
Principle 28: Sex Is Natural, Sex Is Fun; Sex Is Best When It’s One on One