Have you heard the term “Technical Virgin”? It basically means that you can participate in oral sex, anal sex, heavy petting and mutual masturbation but as long as the penis does not go in the vagina you are still, “technically”, a virgin. This seems to be the standard many Christian teens are aiming for. “As long as I am technically a virgin when I get married that’s good enough” goes the thinking. Talk about setting the bar really low.
So many Christian teens live in the now. They are not thinking about how their actions are going to affect their future. Think about the honeymoon night of two “technical virgins”. Do you think there may be some comparisons going on during sex? “John was better at this” and “Jenny was softer” and…you get the idea. This is not what God had in mind for a married couple to experience on their wedding night. In 2 Timothy 2:22 God tells us to “Flee from youthful lusts”. I think oral sex, heavy petting and so forth qualifies as something to flee from. God wants teens to flee from this type of behavior not because he is mean and doesn’t want them to have any fun. He wants them to flee because He knows the power that sex has, He created it after all, and He knows that outside the context of marriage, it will cause pain and problems. Fleeing now allows teens to have incredible sex when they are married.
The thought of fleeing though seems to be getting lost on Christian teens. Although there is limited research on Christian teen sex trends the available indicators suggest there isn’t much difference between Christians and non-Christians. It is no wonder that teens pledging abstinence until marriage have the same STD infection rate as non-pledging teens according to a Yale study. A “technical virgin” is going to have a hard time explaining to their fiancé how they are a “virgin” but they have a sexually transmitted disease.
Parents you have a tough job. Sexually suggestive media bombards your teens day in and day out. They see and hear more about sex at younger and younger ages. It is your job to have tough conversations about God’s design for sex with your teens and it’s not a one-time job. It’s a constant job that requires consistent reinforcement. If you don’t do your job the world will do their job and you will end up with “technical virgins” that aren’t really virgins at all.