This is not a confession of mine, but on behalf of my husband. I know my husband had struggled with feelings of anger, frustration and a lack of patience.... but in the beginning of our new 1 1/2 year marriage, he told me that he didn't look at porn any longer and that he had struggled with it when he was a new Christian back in 2006.

When he first gave his life to Christ, I thought he was perfect. He was so kind, loving, gentle, had a heart for people and sharing the Gospel, he wanted to be a teaching pastor that preached the Gospel to the nations. After being married and going through a hard time, he started changing. The anger problem he had got worse and worse. He became verbally abusive, violent, had fits of rage and I was so scared that he would end up being physical with me. So I left, I told him it wasn't out of spite but out of me needing to feel safe.

I always had a discernment or fishy feeling that he would look at porn. I guessed his internet password and found on his history that he had been looking at porn almost the entire time that we had bee married, and straight-faced lying to me about it. A lot was very twisted and dark, things I don't want to mention.

This is terrifying and such a shock to me. He tells me that all of the problems in our marriage were 100% my fault and that I have caused him to do this. I know this is a lie, now that I've caught him he was devastated and told me that he doesn't want to be this person anymore. But he goes back and forth and doesn't want me to be involved in his recovery, whatsoever. I don't get the sense that he wants to give this up. He's trying to take care of this on his own and I know it doesn't work that way. I care about him and love him sooo much and am deeply hurt but also heartbroken for him. I'm so ticked of the bondage that he has let the enemy put him in! He's pushing me away and I don't know what goes on in his life anymore hardly. His addictions and vices have totally twisted his character and who he is now.
I feel so stuck and depressed. Like I have absolutely no power.

Please, please pray for me and what i should do! I want my husband back! The man of God the Lord made him to be, the man I fell in love with. I am desperate and need as much prayer as possible. I don't know how to handle any of this. I want to help him and not hurt him. Please pray for him because he is an amazing man.

Thank you!!