I found out 3 months into marriage that my husband was addicted to pornography. Not only that, i discovered he had a criminal record, was placed on the sex offenders register for two years, and had black and white mug shots of my sisters, best friend and the pastors wife (for his own dirty pleasure) hidden on his phone.

I have spent the last year and a half battling with this, trying to love him through it, forgive him, pray for him, seek counsel from church, God, counsellors etc.... until one day i gave up.

I have now been seperated for just over a month. And it felt so good. I know that sounds bad, but its like id shed the burden, shed the emotional weight of living with his sin.

the only thing is....and here is my confession.....i have now had sex with 3 different men in the space of that one month. And more than twice with two of them.

my husband found out about one and i convinced him that we didnt have sex, that it was near but not quite - i think he believed me. It tore his heart out and he cried. He never cries.

But my anger and my pain threw up on him - i screamed at him saying 'you drove me to it! Your the reason i left you!' I justify my actions because of what he has done to me.

In a sick way im glad he found out - i want him to know that this is the consequence of treating your wife like a piece of nothing. I wanted to point out that i am attractive, that i could have any man i wanted but that i chose him! So why wont he love me???

Im so messed up. I am now just as bad as him. I have committed adultery and so has he. What is left of our marriaage now? I cant be with him, and he cant be with me.

Revenge might feel so sweet, and sex might feel so good. But in the end, i have officaily lost out on all chance of reconciling with my husband - i have stooped as low as him, and been a hypocrite along the way. I will never forget the day i married him.

Revenge is bitter sweet - so just dont go there.