My husband has been battling porn for quite some time now. Since high school (or maybe before?). I first found out while we were engaged. It crushed me. I felt betrayed and alone. When we got married I thought it stopped. One day I found something that made me think otherwise. I approached him on the subject and he confessed. I had never been so hurt. Was it me? Did he love me? Was I not enough? Why? TONS of questions. We worked hard at it. A year later... Seeking counsel... My therapist said if he had a problem with porn in the past then he can guarantee 100% that he's having a problem now. This was about a month ago. Once again he confessed he had. I had SO many questions and my mind was going everywhere. I asked my therapist if it's be healthy for me to ask questions to clear my head. I asked all the questions I could think of. It was hard but it honestly made me feel better. Well I had one question that I never thought would be an issue. I had only thought of it since this came up. I had been toying with whether I should ask or not. I was nervous but I really thought I knew the answer. Maybe if I asked it would reassure me if I asked if he was a virgin on our wedding night... well he says "do I have to answer" which told me the answer... I was shocked surprised and ABSOLUTELY crushed. I didn't know what to feel. Angry, hurt, sad... Confused and deceived. I remained pure for my future husband. Its what i believed and what I was taught. What the bible and Hod teach. It never ONCE crossed my mind that he wasn't. That was this week. I've been balling my eyes out and feeling completely drained and empty. I hate myself. I hate him. I love him. He says he never knew how to tell me and contemplated not. I'm so upset and have no idea what to do. I'm emotionally drained and don't know how to function right now. Too many emotions to choose from. I just wanted to write in and ask for prayers and encouragement. I'm glad (and saddened) to know I'm not alone.