I have struggled with viewing gay porn for a very long time, along with a depression disorder.

I recently quit porn for almost 3 months but today i have thrown myself back into it, and in my sinful heart I don't want to stop.

I have a great circle of christian friends and I am very active in my youthgroup as a teen leader. although I have suicidal thoughts almost every day.
I feel guilty because I have a great life and I shouldnt want it to end, but my porn addiction continues to bring me down spiritually.

I have strong sexual desires to be with a man, but my heart desires a woman... I have no problem crushing on girls, but its sometimes hard to be attracted to them sexually.

please help I need someone to talk to