my heart is a mess right now. i find myself being pulled in by softcore porn and swimsuit ads now that i have blocked regular porn on my computer. i cant stand myself when i do this. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.why cant i be free? why cant i just man up and not do it? i need prayer.lots of prayer.i need strength.lots of strength. i need God. i always need God.i am a leader in my youth group. i am someone people say they looks at as a strong christian but i know i am anything but strong.i am weak.i am filthy.i am disgusting.on nights like this i am the example sinner that God has thankfully forgiven.....but how do i forgive myself and move up and on? answer me that. i dont even enjoy it. i dont even like the feeling anymore. i want to enjoy it one day with my wife....but how can i when sex is so disgusting to me? i am a broken man.i am a torn man. i need God to make me into a real man. how do i defeat myself?