I try and try and try, and every time I think I'm doing better, my desires come flooding back in. I have prayed about it, asking God to simply take these desires away until I'm married. I know it's stupid, but I'm out of options. I literally break down in tears after every time, and beg God to forgive me. I tell Him I'll try as hard as I can to never do it again, but then a few days later, the desires are back so strong that I don't even remember my pledge to do better.


I'm sick of it, and I just want everything I've seen and done to be erased from my memory. I want to go back to the days when I was young and untainted. I want it all to go away, but I know that will probably never happen. God will forgive and forget, but I will never forget the things I've seen. So it feeds itself and grows stronger inside my mind and there's nothing I can do about it.