When I was probably 4 or 5 years old I discovered masturbation and had no idea what it was or that it was wrong but just that I liked it and that I began relying on it. It has cursed me since then (I am now 19) and only developed from there. It turned into a soft core porn addiction only lately. How do I have the strength to tell a boyfriend that I only want to peck on the lips but don't have the strength to tell MYSELF to stop? Only two people in this whole world (and God) know about this and one of them I no longer talk to. I feel dirty, ashamed, like the scum of the earth. I feel alone and like a sick pig. I love the Lord Jesus with all of my heart and want to serve Him and I have been drawing closer and closer to Him lately. I have gotten involved with an awesome group of Christian college students who love the Lord and yet I could never tell them my secret because they would think I was such a pervert. I am disgusted with myself and have no one to go to. I heard about this website and decided I had nothing to lose and it is somewhat encouraging knowing that I am not the only person out here. Especially a girl. That is hard to come by. I don't really know what else to say but that I don't really know where to go from here but that I know I want to stop so that I can be sexually pure again for my future husband. I hope I can find some accountability.