I think i was introduced to porn in the 7th grade. i went to a private school so i didnt know about anatomy like ppl in public schools would hav learned that year. so it started with a medical encyclopedia. about the same time i guess i learned how informative the internet was and how ez it was to turn off the safe search just for the time being-to get wut i was looking for. since then ive seen things that i wish i hadn't. ive gone from someone who respected everyone to someone who, on certain failing nights, objectified women. i feel bad for the women who objectify themselves for my own and other ppl's pleasure. it breaks my heart.

last summer i had a gf that, if i had to judge our relationship by my actions, id send myself to prison for the way i treated her. sure we did some good things together but i honestly didnt respect her and love her like i should hav. we didnt hav sex, but for the goals i had made b4 i had started dating in HS were all broken everything but that one. no kissing, no being alone with each other, no being in certain situations.... everything but the sex i broke. i told her and myself that i wanted our relationship to be focused on God, but in all reality it definitely wasnt. she found out mid-way that i had watched porn even while we were dating and i broke down to see her heart break. so since that day i didnt watch porn. but wen we broke up i fell again. she was my reason to not watch it.

recently i realized, girls r not a good enuff reason, girls r human too and Jesus is who i SHOULD be in love with. dont be afraid/paranoid about ur parents finding out or walkin in, Jesus sees everything and God knows ur heart.
If the whole time while im only im thinkin this, WHY AM I STILL ONLINE???? DO I NOT KNOW THAT THIS IS HOW GOD IS CALLING OUT TO ME? "Come back!" "You know that's not right, walk away." yet i preceed.... and i reject god in my shame.

this next set of verses is great for numerous situations; its James 1:2-4,
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

these verses remind me that wenever i am tempted i need to run to God and ask Him to give me strength. if i persevere then He will make me strong.

i just want to end this with a prayer.

Dear God,
Im a sinner, i was born that way, but i accepted ur son Jesus into my heart because i cant do this on my own. please, Lord, continue to bless me. give me strength in my weakness so i will not fall. and if i fall let it be into ur loving arms.
In Jesus' name I pray, amen