On the 5th edition of Voices, we catch up with Joe from My Children My Bride.
Temptations on the road
The biggest temptations on the road would probably be keeping faith. I’d like to consider myself a pretty spiritual person but being in a band, its kind of difficult because we’re in such a secular world that the music scene is so far confined from anything else in the world that its more of a business, you’re always working, you’re always loading, you’re playing, sound checking, you’re meeting people, you’re at the merch table, you’re driving, you’re sleeping, there’s so much that goes on on tour that you forget sometimes that you actually do have to pray, you have to thank God, you have to tell others about God. That’s just a personal perspective because not everyone is spiritual or religious at all. Their goal isn’t always to preach the word and that’s awesome because if they want to keep it to themselves that’s great because they’re not shoving it down anyone’s throat, they’re not saying anything wrong, that’s their own deal. I do that a lot myself, I keep to myself, I don’t even tell even some of the band members what’s going on in my life, my spiritual life, it’s a very personal thing. The hardest part is remembering that, you get caught up in so much other stuff. We did a festival last week. We were there at 7 a.m., just loading and I was hanging out with people I hadn’t seen all year long, just other friends and other bands that I had missed. We would go get coffee and you hang out and talk and then the show starts and you’re in that loud room and you can’t talk to anyone. Your mind is so far away from anything like spirituality. A whole tour will go by and it will hit me like “Oh I have not prayed once on this tour, what is wrong with me?” That’s okay, we’re all struggling. I think if you aren’t into praying or any kind of spirituality, that’s okay, we’re all here. Whenever you do come across the chance to thank God or thank, whatever you are, Buddhist or Allah, thank your savior, its important, keeping faith, it very important and a very significant thing to my life.
Thoughts on pornography
Pornography obviously is not good. Pornography corrupts minds. Its hard because growing up I didn’t see it as a negative thing. When I was in junior high and high school I remember my friends came to school once with a bunch of Playboy Magazines and I thought it was the funniest thing. There were five or six of us dudes and we all stood around in a circle at lunchtime looking at these magazines because it was so forbidden, it was so exciting. I didn’t realize that, being such a young mind, it was such a negative thing in the world, that it ruins people’s lives and it devalues human beings. I admit when I was in high school I looked at a lot of porn, I didn’t know any better. Friends and I, we’d all talk about porn, just being the worst dudes talking about the nastiest stuff. I look back and regret it but I didn’t know any better. A lot of other people don’t know any better too. It acts as an escape for pleasure because a lot of people are so sexually frustrated and its so forbidden to so many people. Its so exciting and fresh and a lot of people don’t get the chance to be with a person physically so they resort the internet or magazines or arcades, games? That’s weird. I was younger, I was immature, I admit I looked at a lot of porn but now I see how harmful it is to relationships, to marriages, and to your own self. You’re devaluing other people. Its horrible.
Pornography in music
Its kind of interesting. We did a tour two summers ago and there was this one show somewhere in Ohio where the headlining band on the tour had hired a few prostitutes to go to the show and sleep with anyone on the tour that wanted to. They were pay for it like, like a treat from the headlining band to all the other bands. “Hey guys, if you want to have sex with any of these girls or do anything with these girls, its on us. This is our way of showing you guys thanks or that you’re our friends.” I was so so shocked at that. It was this huge show, like a 1000 kids there and there’s these three prostitutes outside in these skimpy clothes and all these little kids are looking at these girls like “Oh my gosh, what the heck is going on here?” They were little kids so obviously they were really shocked that these three 30 something year old woman are there wearing bras and underwear in front of everyone. Its weird how people think that we’re “rock stars” or whatever that there are girls every night and half the time its true, there are girls, they are throwing themselves at you sometimes. People perceive it so differently and its not about that. We’re musicians, that’s our job, we want to play music, its not about sleeping with girls and getting drunk every night and doing drugs.
Effects of pornography
A dude in another band that we toured with, not going to say who it was. It was really funny, he would watch porn every day before the show, every single day just because he was bored and he had tons of it on his computer. He would sit in the back room with a beer and just watch porn. He said he didn’t have a girlfriend and was lonely so maybe that tied into it.
Accountability. Back when I first started touring it was really important. I was new to the whole touring world and I didn’t know anyone and it was so big and exciting to me that there was girls and kids and shows and music and people throwing stuff at me, it was crazy. I got caught up in that world and I kind of forgot about a lot of stuff like spirituality. Interestingly enough, now that I’ve been touring for about four or five years I’ve met people all over the world and its cool because some of my closest friends are people I’ve met from touring and are across the country so a lot of people like that who I’ve met will text me now and then and say “If you ever need anything I’m here for you, I’ll be your accountability buddy.” (Its) to make sure none of us stray too far. Its interesting, I have friends in Texas, New York, Florida, Washington, who are texting me to make sure I’m well and not getting caught up in the rock star life.
Advice to those struggling
Don’t look at porn because you’re only going to end up masturbating a whole bunch and getting more sexually frustrated and looking at girls like a piece of meat. Women are a very delicate and precious thing to us men. They should be treated like precious jewels that should never be devalued in your mind.