When I was in high school I was kind of a jerk. I never hit anybody or
got in a fight, but I really liked making fun of people. Making fun of
people might even do more damage than fighting, but I'm not too sure,
and if given a choice one should always choose to do neither of them.
I would talk about people behind their backs, even people I liked. In
turn, I would avoid talking to or looking at these kids because I knew
I had talked badly about them, and if they knew, they would probably
be pretty mad. My strategy was to slither around like a mean little
snake and jump into my snake hole at the first sign of confrontation.
I don't tell this story because I'm stoked on it, believe me I'm not.
I bring this up because it is a good example of a certain aspect of
human nature. When we wrong somebody we want to avoid them. In our
heads we know that when we meet, everything is going to come out and
it's going to suck. We do this with our parents, our friends, and even
our teachers. If I walk into a class knowing that I blew off the
homework that is due that day, I'm not going go in feeling like a
spring chicken, it's embarrassing. Unfortunately this carries over
into the way we view and treat God. If I'm doing things that I know go
against what God wants, I will avoid talking to him or thinking about
him. I have found that the sin of lust, especially when it is coupled
with porn, puts the biggest mental barrier between myself and God.
If I look at porn, the last thing I want to do Is put on some worship
music and spend time with God, I feel like I have just taken ten steps
back in my relationship with him. This of course is silly because
looking at porn is no worse in God's eyes than lying, and no better
than murder. It's all the same to Him; it's all missing the mark.
Getting this fact through your head takes a lot of work. One has to
completely reprogram how he or she thinks about God and his view of
sin. This can and should be a good thing. God is not disgusted with
you, he sees all sin as the same, he knows everything that you have
done and will do, and still loves you. In fact he says that when he
was being killed on earth, he looked right at you, saw all of the
filth accumulated during your entire life and "Yes. This is worth
If you are reading this I will go ahead and assume that
you view pornography as harmful in one way or another, and it is, but
I want to encourage you to avoid letting the embarrassment of looking
at porn cause you to shy away from God. Instead, let it cause you to
bring those failures and that dirt right to him, he would love to take
it off your hands. All he wants is room to work in us, and ignoring
him when we mess up denies him that chance. Loving God does not mean
never messing up, it means that we are constantly trying to do better.
God wants to make us perfect, and perfection has to start by doing the
best you can. Don't forget that God gave us the Holy Spirit to help us
out, to walk behind us and push us toward becoming little god men and
women. When you trip, he will help you to get up and try again, but
you have to try. So have joy! God brings light and freedom and wants
you to have both in full. The return for those who love Jesus is never
ending joy and love, which He gives freely to us if we let Him.