August 17, 1999 is what I call my “spiritual birthday,” marking the day 14 years ago that Jesus came into my life. But, truth be told, I didn’t begin walking into the light from my darkness until August of 2009–a full ten years later. Having dealt with an addiction to porn for twelve years of my life, I found that for many years I only “thought” that I had really given my life to Christ and begun to trust him.
But I hadn’t gone all the way.
Whether it’s a porn addiction or another heart issue, choosing to trust God completely doesn’t come in one single decision–it comes in a series of decisions that you make on a daily basis, decisions which then translate into actions lived out in your life.
I discovered that it wasn’t enough to simply “claim” Jesus as my Savior, because I was “following” Jesus and yet was still addicted to porn! I really wasn’t ready to fully surrender because in truth, I still enjoyed my sin way too much to trust God with it.
Fast forward to 2009. I began to change my decisions, which began to change my behaviors, which began to change me. If anything, in the last four years of my life, I’ve found that trusting God IS risky. Being vulnerable and trusting other men IS risky. Why? Because Jesus promises us that NOTHING will be the same when our hearts, minds, and our lives are completely His.
As much as we like to think that we like “new” things in life, at the deeper core of our beings we often cherish the “old” things. We loved what we’re used to. These things bring us comfort (or what we fool ourselves to think is comfort). For so many people, trusting God with their lives is terrifying.
Why? Because it means change. It means different.
Trust implies more than a decision, because if I’m going to trust God COMPLETELY, it means I must do the following things, which can be more than a little scary:
– Let go of what’s familiar and comfortable (sin, habits, addiction, destructive behaviors, etc.)
– Embrace the reality of grace (God has forgiven you and will help you with your mess!)
– Understand that by trusting God, you must also begin to trust other people!
Honestly, I’m STILL learning to trust God completely on a daily basis. This also works in conjunction with how much I’m willing to trust other people as well. If I’m afraid to trust and I think other people are going to think I’m weird, gross, or disgusting because I’m a recovering sex addict, what does that say about my ability to trust God completely?
The process of trusting God completely is worth it. And if you commit to it, it will change your life.
Something terrifying can become comforting. Trust me.