The Haps

BUTTON YOUR PANTSEarlier this week Shellie Warren wrote a post talking about the advantages and/or disadvantages of having sex before marriage. It’s definitely worth checking out.

Let’s be honest, most people are having sex in some version before marriage (yes, even Christians). To deny that is to live in a bubble.

And I want to be transparent with you. I’m a pastor, a Christian, and a guy who had sex before...

In loveIt might be a mere coincidence (although I seriously doubt it), but I have yet to counsel a couple who waited until marriage to have sex with each other. Not one. (Tweet This!)

Now, that’s not to say that I haven’t had conversations with couples who waited. They’ve experienced challenges within their union, of course, but based on what I’ve heard from them, what they go through tends to sound...

Hooked on PornA husband’s compulsive pornography use is rarely disclosed voluntarily. Most men addicted to pornography experience deep shame and hide their choices, but despite well-crafted, guilt-ridden lies that mask their behavior, the truth emerges. Regardless how the wife finds out about the pornography addiction, the discovery is devastating for everyone involved.

After this discovery, wives often...

10 lies men believe about pornHave you ever had thoughts such as, I’m the only one struggling with porn like this, God must be so ashamed of me, or I just have got to get stronger to overcome my addiction or anything like that? These thoughts are present in almost every case of pornography addiction I’ve seen. 

But do you see the problem? These thoughts are all lies! Worse yet, they keep you from discovering the truth that...

Are we free to screw up?My friend Steven wrote a post on Monday about slip up or relapse. My other friend Seth followed it up Wednesday with a different take on things.

Now, I guess it is my turn. I appreciate all that has been said and want you to know this has been a huge conversation around XXXchurch recently, especially when it comes to our X3groups. We have a diverse group of people working and writing here at...

Are You SurrenderingA few days ago, Steven Luff wrote a post about the difference between what he terms a “slip-up” and full-blown “relapse,” where he mainly focused on the idea that your sobriety date is a very important tool for you in your recovery. (You can check that out here) In this post, I would like to invite you to take a step back and think a little deeper about some of the words we use so much in this...

RelapseI lead a sexual addiction recovery group in Hollywood every Tuesday night called X3LA.

The men who attend have the option of filling out a “Meeting Response Sheet” with eight questions/prompts that help them better understand the nature of their addiction and, hopefully, their recovery from it.

The first question? “State your first name and how long you have been sober.” In this instance,...

CouplesWhen I checked out Paul’s post about couples watching porn together, I saw a lot of good points:

- Churches need to do better when it comes to addressing sex. (Tweet This!)

- Sex should not just be about engaging in an act purely for physical pleasure. Shoot, dogs in heat do that. We really should aim higher.

- Intimacy is about being spiritually and emotionally involved with someone as much...

watching pornWhen I began to write this blog about whether couples can watch porn together responsibly all I had was questions.

Questions like:

 - Does it make you compare yourself and/or your partner to the actors on screen? How does that affect your self-esteem? Theirs?

- Surely if a couple is watching together, at least there is openness and no secret porn viewing, right? Isn’t that good?

- Couldn’t it...

3 signsOK, I must admit that when I first was asked to write about going from "softcore" pornography to "harcore" pornography, my first thought was “Porn is porn.” But It really is amazing---and also pretty self-deceptive---to think that so long as what you’re watching is “softcore porn,” that it’s really not all that bad. In fact, take it from me: That is exactly what Satan wants you to think. 

I...