Given the choice between porn addiction and losing your virginity, which is better? (Tweet This!)
Let me start by saying I can’t envision any good way to be addicted to porn because, like all addictions, it leads to unhealthy, compulsive behavior that gets in the way of an abundant, God-honoring life. I can’t think of any plausible scenarios where a porn addiction would be the better choice.
But what about losing your virginity?
Is that a better way to go?
First, if you think having sex will satisfy your sexual curiosity or lessen your sexual urges, you’re sorely mistaken. If anything, having sex just to satisfy an urge or to scratch the itch of curiosity can lead to the very same sorts of compulsive, alienating habits as a porn addiction. Even more troublesome is the notion of losing your virginity merely for the sake of not becoming addicted to porn. That suggests you’re just having sex with someone for your own selfish ends, not as part of a mutually loving relationship. Thus, you’re not only harming yourself, but you’re also taking advantage of the other person.
Even if you’re already in a relationship, choosing to have sex as a way to avoid an addiction to pornography is still a misuse of the biblical (and biological/psychological) ideal for sex. God gave us the gift of sex to deepen intimacy between two people – not as some kind of distraction or coping mechanism.
So then, given these two scenarios (a porn addiction or losing one’s virginity), we can see that both choices are toxic and should be avoided. But are these really the only two options?
If that’s unavailable, you first need to understand that your sexual urges are natural and God-given; God is neither mad at nor ashamed of you for having your sexual feelings (Tweet This!). This is a huge step because unfortunately, in many churches, people are taught that their sexual feelings are something to fear, deny, and hide.
If you can take this first step and accept your sexual feelings as God-given, then you can take the next step, which is to be curious about these feelings/urges. Ask yourself questions like:
– Why has God given me these desires and why do they feel so out of control?
– What are these feelings telling me about myself and how God has made me? (Hint: “I’m a disgusting sinner” is not an acceptable answer to this question.)
– How can I steward these feelings in a way that honors God, myself, and those around me?
These questions can be explored alone, but it would be far better if you ask them with a trusted, accepting friend, pastor, or counselor.
Sex is a powerful, primal urge. It is also a gift from God (Tweet This!) that I believe is designed to move us towards healthy, loving relationships. Both porn addiction and exploitative sex keep us from this ideal. There’s a third way, and it’s available to you now.