“Sarai, Abram's wife, had no children, but she had a slave girl from Egypt named Hagar. Sarai said to Abram, 'Look, the Lord has not allowed me to have children, so have sexual relations with my slave girl. If she has a child, maybe I can have my own family through her.'

Abram did what Sarai said. It was after he had lived ten years in Canaan that Sarai gave Hagar to her husband Abram. (Hagar was her slave girl from Egypt.)

Abram had sexual relations with Hagar, and she became pregnant. When Hagar learned she was pregnant, she began to treat her mistress Sarai badly. Then Sarai said to Abram, 'This is your fault. I gave my slave girl to you, and when she became pregnant, she began to treat me badly. Let the Lord decide who is right—you or me.'

But Abram said to Sarai, 'You are Hagar's mistress. Do anything you want to her.' Then Sarai was hard on Hagar, and Hagar ran away.”---Genesis 16:1-6 (NCV)


Dear Hagar,

I just read the news report on you today. How you were fired from your job because you are pregnant by your boss's husband, even though she knew about the affair that you were having with her husband...seemingly the entire time. How she turned a deafened ear when she first got word that the two of you were sleeping together; how she even sent you a gift through the mail, on her wedding anniversary no less, with a “thank you” card; although she never really stated what she was thanking you for. Guess she was too smart for that. Indiscretions can't stay hidden forever. She didn't want her signature pen print on the evidence.

And yet, no one seems to want to look at all of the facts. All they want to is see you. The home wrecker who's carrying the baby of another woman's man.

You knew it was wrong. The late night dinners. The weekend trips. From the very first proposition something didn't feel quite right. You knew that Abram had needs that only Sarai should have met; that even though Sarai was distraught about the problems in her marriage, you should have never been considered an optional solution because no sane woman can ever really be at peace with her husband being with someone else. No matter how much she may have put up a good face, it was really just a front. A calm before the storm.

And now, here you are. Disgraced. Broke. Broken.

Carrying the baby of a man who was never yours. Although in the heat of erotic nights and the dawn of certain mystical days, he certainly felt that way. You knew that he wasn't committed to you, but from the day he first saw you, he seemed impassioned by your presence. He had his own cistern, but loved to sip from your well....of long gazes...of unsigned Hallmark cards...of cryptic flirting...of “paid in cash” hotel receipts...of you.

Like when you gave up your virginity to your first lost love, the first time you were with Abram, it was odd...and awkward. His touch was foreign. His kiss was unfamiliar. Something told you that he was trespassing and yet he soon became an invasion that you welcomed into your sacred space. Every time you embraced him, a voice in the back of your mind warned you of what was to come...but he was so intoxicating. The mental sobriety abandoned you. And now, here you are: hung over with regret.

Regret for not saying “no”.

Regret for not knowing better.

Regret for not wanting---no, planning---to have your first child under better circumstances.

No one seems to care about that, though. How the baby within you has no clue about the scandal surrounding him. How you are unsure if someone else's husband will still father his child: his firstborn son. How you are going to provide for such an innocent blessing---alone. Because no matter how he was conceived, is he too not---a blessing?

Oh Hagar. I'm so sorry.

As I prayed for you today, my mind went back to 1997 when I was hiding in a closet waiting for a certain guy's girlfriend to leave. His stench of lust was lingering on my flesh and yet, he was telling “her” how much he missed her and couldn't wait to be with her later that night. Sex with me at 6. Lovemaking with her at 9.

I was heartbroken beyond belief. Yes, I may be “the other woman”, but do I not still have feelings...and don't they matter? Has anyone ever thought about the fact that I may be in this place of compromise because no one ever showed me differently? That you can't value what you don't understand? That you have to be taught to revere yourself as beautiful. Chosen. Worthy. Of being worth the wait...

Really now. If I thought that highly of myself, why would I settle for sneaking into a grown man's place and standing on his dirty clothes while peeping through the crack of his closet door. That's not the sign of a woman who has high self-esteem. That is evidence of just the opposite.

Am I not low enough? And so why beat me down by calling me “whore”, “ho”, “slut”, “trash”? Has anyone ever thought to consider that I had already been calling myself those things which is why I settled for acting that way in the first place? Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Some people throw stones...others hurl insults. Both are detrimental.

Thinking back, I wasn't as bold as you, though, Hagar. I wasn't sleeping with someone's husband, but I was still having sex with someone who didn't belong to me. Hmph. Now that I think about it, so was his girlfriend, but that's no excuse. When I found out that I was carrying his child, out of fear of the “affair”, I set up an appointment. He's no longer with me. The man nor the child.

As I read your story today, I wept. Some tears were of sadness, but more were of praise because I now live a forgiven life; yet one that still longs for the day, back in May, that many years ago, when I could have done that decision differently. I guess that is why my heart so goes out to you, Hagar. What you did was inexcusable, but coming from a relative of your spirit, it's also understandable. To not cast your pearls before swine, you must see yourself as a gem, first.

That said...

I will be praying that Abram owns up to his responsibility. Something tells me that he will.

I will pray that Sarai becomes more compassionate. Mercy, grace and forgiveness and something that we all need in this life...perhaps not for the same reasons, but ultimately for the same purpose.

I will be praying for your son. God's ways are not our own and every child has a purpose...no matter how he was conceived.

And, until this scandal passes (and take heart because it will...they always do), I will pray for your peace of mind and restoration. You are a child of God---just like the rest of us. I believe, even in spite of your mistakes, there is still a plan. I am living evidence of this kind of faith. I Corinthians 7:23 says that you were bought with a price. You can't change the past, but from today on, refuse to be a slave among men. This is what I will stand in the gap for on your behalf until you can stand on this promise on your own.

You are deeply loved by God and me,

Shellie

©Shellie R. Warren/2009