I have a bit of a story here...My sister and I were repeatedly molested by my uncle, at the time (he and my aunt have since divorced) when I was 4 years old. My father had been diagnosed with cancer (stage 4 colon) and we were left with my aunt and uncle alot (my father was saved and has been cancer free for 17 years now, praise Jesus!). I began masturbating (the word makes me want to vomit every time I write or say it) during that time, I guess I didn't realize it was an abnormal or sinful behavior. As my life went on it was just something I did. Once I was rescued by Jesus Christ though, I realized it was something I needed to stop to be able to live a fully committed life to Him. It has been my secret struggle ever since then. About 3 years ago, God freed my heart from the bitterness and stronghold of the enemy and my now ex-uncle for what he did to my sister and I, but I still masturbate frequently. I remember growing up thinking, "Okay, that was the LAST time. Please forgive me God!" Then two weeks later there I'd be again. When I began dating my husband, I found that I was able to be more in control of it, even though there was nothing to "compensate" for it because niether one of us were sexually active until we were married. We have been married for 3 years now, and he has NO idea that I struggle with this sin still. I've told him about when I was little and all of that, but I am afraid it would hurt him too much to know what I am doing. I am ashamed, disgusting, and desperate...I finally need support in this, because I can NOT do it on my own, but I can NOT share it with anyone I am directly connected to either. People in my circle look at me as a leader, and I've even helped people with this very struggle...how can I turn around and go to them? I know they would say they don't judge me...but I know them better than that, which is sad and judgmental of me, I know...but I can't help but feel that way. I want this morning to be the LAST time! Please help me!