I have never told any one this, but i feel so safe sharing here.

I have been a christian for most of my life. Just short of a year ago found and read some of a book about sex basically. To be honest, i read the word 'orgasm' and was like "what is that?" I had never really thought too much into that stuff (I'm 18 by the way). As i was reading it i started to want to know what it was like and what it felt like.... so i caved in to masturbation. Little did i know that that one action would lead to almost a year of regret and shame. I feel awful about what i've been doing. My actions have brought me away from God and hurt my relationship with him. Not only that, but since then i have met an amazing christian guy and have been dating him for six months and have begun to realize that my selfishness will probably someday hurt him too. I just feel so awful, but am finding it difficult to stop.