I've been holding a silent debate within my mind for weeks now. It can't be wrong if I'm okay with it, right? It's not wrong if no one knows and no one gets hurt. Right?

But today I have awoken from this foolish, hazy dream. IT. IS. WRONG.

It is wrong to watch porn. It is wrong to masturbate. It is WRONG.

If my conscience weren't enough, If accountability weren't enough, If loving and desiring to honor my God weren't enough, then hopefully recognizing that something I would be horrified for ANYONE to know about should tell me that it's not something I should be doing.

And so it ends today. It ends. It's over. Done. It is Nothing to me.

That declaration fills me with nervous energy. Can I do this? Will it REALLY be over?

I have a God who has already won. He is victorious. And He has searched me and He knows me, so He's already known all of this, hasn't He?

And I'm still loved.

Four years of soft porn-- soft, but with a heart of sludge and a will of shame-- and almost half a year of masturbation. OVER.

I want to be someone pure-- pure of heart, pure of will, pure in body. I want to be Clean again.

I can't do it on my own. I know that. This is God's strength. This is His because I am His. I offer myself to Him-- ALL of me.
He will carry me, yes, but I owe Him the struggle, the effort, of trying. I am weak, but I will FIGHT this, knowing that He has my back.

We go to fight this TOGETHER. Praise God.