I've grown up in a Christian family, but somehow I became intrigued by lesbian porn when I started high school. I was on the family computer when some spam ads popped up, and the one I had a hard time closing were talking about women. Off and on for the following 6 years, I would have this strong curiosity about other women. So I would go on the computer for a little bit to see what I could find, and was always repulsed when guys would show up. This fact has always scared me because I'm not homosexual. I look forward to having a husband and a family someday soon! But I don't want to see another guy unless he's my husband... and even then I'm a little unsure. So I guess my confession here is that I'm not homosexual, but I'm intrigued by women? I only started admitting this to myself after a friend of mine talked about her own struggles...and now she is in a healthy relationship with a guy. I've told my parents and a few other people, but only my parents know the details. I'm even accountable to them through x3 watch :)
Still, I have relapsed a few times. I'm wondering if this is normal? How do I go about continuing in purity (of mind and action)? I know God isn't pleased with the relapses. Sometimes I wonder why He continues to forgive me even when I hurt him.
Eventually, I want to be able to talk to other girls freely about this time in my life and what I learned from it. I want to help other girls and women through the same things I've gone through, and I want them to know the hope that is found through knowing Jesus. But, I'm nervous and scared of what they'll think of me if I share about these impulses with them.