I have been struggling with masturbation since I was six. Eventually, I started reading erotic stories, which then lead to pornography by the time I was 14. When I accepted Christ, I gave it up for a short time, only to fail and return to masturbation.

I have been living a good, 'Christian' life for the last 6 years, but my secret sin is always there between God and I. In High School, I was the 'good girl,' a small group leader, always inviting people to church, hiding my shame from everyone. I now attend a Christian college, where it is even more difficult to open up about my failures.

I think I've finally reached that place where I have to let go. I can't keep doing this, I can't continue to masturbate, to let my fantasies consume my thoughts. Today, I finally asked God to start working in my heart, to give me the strength to stop--because I can't do it on my own.

The crazy thing is, I've missed out on true Christianity for these last 6 years. Jesus died to take away the shame, and I've been cowering in it. Why would I hold onto the secret shame of masturbation, when I can simply give it to God? Why am I ashamed to even seek God, to come before Him in prayer, when He looks at me and sees His son's sacrifice?

There are a couple of things that I have to keep reminding myself. God will not tempt me beyond what I can bear. No, I cannot stop masturbating on my own. But if I am tempted, I must ask God to help me, instead of turning away from Him in shame. I know that God loves me even in this, and wants something so much better for me.

It's going to be so hard. But I can't live like this anymore.