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Oral Sex Is My Weakness

by Woo on February 27th, 2012 in Women

Oral sex is my weakness.

Not sex but oral sex.

There’s no sugar coating it, beating around the bush, or playing it off. If it’s done right, it will definitely keep me coming back over and over again. Oral sex was the first sex that I was introduced to and it’s the one thing that I continuously crave whether I get it on a regular basis or not. While I confess to be a Christian or better yet, a flawed follower of Christ, I am well aware of what the Bible says about pre-martial sex.  However, I still find myself engaging when the opportunity becomes available.

Growing up, I never equated oral sex as “sex.” Yeah, I know that “sex” is “oral sex” but my interpretation of sex was penetration.  Sex, in my eyes, was intercourse. Everything else (i.e. kissing, touching, petting, grinding etc.) was harmless as long as self-control was exercised. Although, this was not perhaps how it worked for the average person, I was somehow able to achieve it.

To be honest with you, since I made a vow to not engage in sexual relations until I got married, I felt as though oral sex was my way of getting what I wanted while God got what he wanted. No harm, no foul right?! My biggest fear with intercourse was pregnancy. Out of the thirty-one years I have been on this earth, I have yet to hear about a baby being conceived during oral sex. Not to say that it hasn’t happened somewhere, I’m just saying I haven’t heard of it happening…anywhere!

My whole reasoning for continually engaging is mainly due to self-gratification. I know it’s something I shouldn’t do, but I thoroughly enjoy it. I enjoy the way it makes me feel and the euphoric place that it puts me. There are times that I have been left with mixed emotions after the fact, but not enough to make me stop. I may take a hiatus from it for a period of time, but have yet to let it go completely.  My intent is to not be blatantly disobedient; I just have yet to find a good enough reason to stop doing it. However, if I love God like I say I do that should be reason enough, right?!?

A pretty bold statement, I know. But this is where I stand. I’m still a work in progress.

I know this is something I should feel guilty about doing, but honestly… A LOT of times…I don’t.

Keep me lifted.

~Woo

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  • ebg

    It is important to remember that we are called to purity, not just sexual purity, but purity in all things. GOD did not call us to not get pregnant, He called us to walk in purity. That is something I have had to come to terms with in my walk with GOD. I used to constantly justify giving oral sex because it’s not sex. But we weren’t told don’t have sex. We were told to rid our selves of lust and any sexual immorality. It’s something to think about. and remember the words of JESUS, “He who does what I command loves the FATHER.” Hope this helps, I will remember you in my prayers

    • Suri

      But without a definition of purity or of sexual immorality, those words are meaningless.

      • Matthewalsolevi

        Purity is the absence of flaw. Everything that God calls us to be is pure. The objective of sex is to create children that’s it’s purest purpose between a man and his wife.

  • Luther

    You have my prayers.   But since this is such an ongoing struggle, maybe you should rethink your strategy.   I don’t know your strategy, but it seems like its loving God and ‘hoping’ you don’t fail.  (I may be wrong)    You need to set up all kinds of obstacles to make it unlikely that you will be able to, even if tempted.  
    (i understand you may be doing these things)

    Step one.  Don’t just date someone who says they are a Christian, but date someone who follows the Lord and wouldn’t go there even if you wanted to.  Tell the guy, right off, that you will only continue to date someone that, in addition to being fun, advances God’s purpose in your life, which is to become more like Christ.

    Step two; tell the guy that you are not going to have sex with him in any form unless you are married.  Tell him, that if your ever about to compromise on that, the best way he could show his love for you is to shut you down and take a break.   Tell him early and often, before you are tempted, that the man worthy of your hand in marriage will tell you “no”.  

    I dated a girl that did this very thing and it was very effective.  

    Step three.  Don’t be alone or at least always be at a place where someone could walk in at any moment and catch you.   NO CLOSED DOORS, no bedrooms, no basements.    

    I suspect that if you don’t do these things, every year you will have a new blog about how you are still struggling. with oral sex.

    Just sayin’….

  • Mlefevere

    The way I view it, if it is not my wife (being I am not married do not know who she is) then I should treat any female as a sister, especially if she is part of the family of God. Even further, I view doing anything that is not involved with the wife God has for me as cheating and even damaging our future relationship and oneness. I intend to tell my wife all my sexual sins to her and repenting of it to her, because it is in fact a sin against her as well as God and myself. Try stopping to honor what God has for you. Just a different perspective to try and help. I’ll pray for you, brother.

    • RUSUR

      Adultery before the fact? Not even knowing there will be a future marriage to “commit” “adultery” against… I suggest that your future fiancée sue you for divorce if she finds out you ever wanked without her.

      ☺ I don’t want to eat this donut today because it would be cheating on my diet if I go on one 5 years from now.☺

      Here’s another thought for you: If you treat all women as your sister, you will never marry unless you’re willing to marry your sister… and before you do that, you will need to have a definite sexual desire for your sister, too. The scripture you are trying to honor was written to a young pastor as to how he should treat women under his care — standard anti- sexual harassment type warnings. Paul would never tell a young man to treat ALL younger girls as sisters.

      • Shellie R. Warren

         “Paul would never tell a young man to treat ALL younger girls as sisters.” Out of curiosity, what is your *biblical stance* for that resolve? Are we all not brothers and sisters to God with *the only thing* that transitions that dynamic *being* marriage?

        • RUSUR

           The context of 1 Timothy 5:1-4 is how a young pastor is to treat the various members of the congregation. Wisely, Paul told Timothy to treat the younger women as if they were his sisters, in all purity. Incest is impurity, so you don’t act in a sexual manner toward your sisters. (I guess Paul never heard of cougars.) This warning to Timothy is to protect him from false charges and possibly, temptations of sexual harassment of his congregants.

          Yes, our fellow female believers are sisters and we treat them respectfully, but not as if they were our own siblings, or else we would never get romantically involved with them.

          • RUSUR

             My “cougar” comment was in regards to Paul not saying to treat the older women with “all purity”… sorry, for the confusion and  bad joke.

      • Suri

        To allow someone else to own you so fully that their restrictions are effective retroactively is, honestly, rather creepy. You make marriage sound like some form slavery.

        • RUSur

           I think you are responding to Mlefevre …

  • AlaCarte

     Nice honest comments. Heart for God and doesn’t want to willfully rebel, etc.

    Woo said: ” I am well aware of what the Bible says about
    pre-martial(sic) sex.” but in reality she only knows what the church has
    said about premarital sex, not what the Bible says, which is zip,
    nadda, nothing. The sexual relationship initiated marriage, for one
    thing, for the two became one flesh by it. Requiring virginity before
    “marriage” came from the days of marriage contracts with a steep bridal
    payment for a virgin. For an espoused girl to not be a virgin while she
    was under such contract was considered a type of adultery, a death
    penalty offense. Outside of that framework, there was no “sin” of
    premarital sex. Premarital chastity by a female was a tradition based
    upon the practicality that it made paternity of children an easier
    matter if a woman had only had one lover. Such chastity was never
    required of the male.

    As I see it, Woo has been able to employ oral sex and grinding as
    substitutes and avoid the risks of intercourse. Sounds like an
    acceptable idea to me.

  • Kevin

    Hi Woo,
    Thank you for your honestly.  This is going to be a long post.

    I really pray that you would be able to overcome this area in your life that so many have been enslaved to. To bring us into the bible, because as Christians, we believe that the bible is the authoritative teaching of our lives, and that it is all true.  To be a Christ follower, is to believe in absolute truth.  Just as the sky is blue, and it definitely is, whoever says that it’s green, is wrong.  We realize that there aren’t multiple ways to get to heaven and be with God, there’s only 1, and that’s through Jesus, John 3:16.  Also that it is only by Grace through faith we get there, Eph 2:8. If we truly believe this we receive the Holy Spirit into our hearts!  How amazing is that!  Our bodies are God’s holy temple! 1 Cor 6:19 “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in
    you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.” Rejoice!  Before we do this, we are separated and alienated from God.  Because of the first sin of Adam and Eve, we are separated from God, dead.  Not a physical one, but a spiritual one, as God was referring to. But to now receive Jesus, we are no longer separated, we have been rescued from the kingdom of darkness and transferred into the kingdom of light!  So we ought to live like it, because we are no longer dead to sin, but alive in Christ! No doubt we are going to sin, but we need to pursue righteousness.
    Colossians 3 reminds us of this: Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator.

    If we don’t strive to live like this, we need to check our hearts.  Yes, we will fail because of our sinful nature, but like Paul says in Romans, by no means do we keep on sinning, and be okay with it!

    Our standard is God’s standard.  Holiness.  If our standard is any less, we are creating God in our likeness, in other words we become self-righteous.  That keeps us out of heaven, not our sin if we repent of our former ways and turn to God.

    With ALL that, we need to understand HOW MUCH GOD HATES SIN.  Until we understand how much God hates sin, His grace does not make sense!  Until you understand that God’s love is shown through His wrath, the cross makes no sense!  Until you understand His holiness, Jesus makes no sense.  How we get there is through sanctification.  Set your mind on things above. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also (Luke 12:34).

    The more you think your sin isn’t a sin and that you aren’t that bad, the more you are saying that Christ isn’t that good… then it becomes numb.  That’s why throughout Paul’s letters, he keeps reminding us who we were without Christ.  We need to constantly remind ourselves of who we were without Christ.  Or, do we find ourselves to be the same person we were when we were without Christ?  Titus 2:12 reminds us that the Holy Spirit gives us the power to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to
    live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.

    Do you believe that the Holy Spirit can deliver us from the sin we so struggle with?  I hope that you do.  We serve a Great God!
      

  • Trevor

    I hope I don’t repeat anything that has already been said, but I just want to share a little bit of my own experience in this area. I once had a girl friend and we engaged in everything but intercourse. However, we became increasingly physical as time went on. I believe I loved her, but simply put, my desire to have sex with her was going to outcome my desire to stay pure for her. The more physical we got, the easier it was to go further, and the harder it was each time to not engage in sexual intercourse. We broke up before we ever reached that point. It was tough, but it had to happen.

    Now, some of this might have already been posted, but I’d like to point out that the dictionary definition of sex is hand to genital, mouth to genital, or genital to genital. If a secular dictionary say that oral sex is sex, just think what God thinks about it! Ephesians 5:3 says that “Sexual impurity should not even be name among you” or in other translations “There should be no hint of sexual impurity.” God’s standard is that there should not even be a hint of sexual immorality among us, and God won’t lower His standards.

    Just thoughts to consider. I would suggest reading “What Are You Waiting For?” By Dannah Gresh. It is a book on sex and sexual purity tailored towards women, and is one of the best books on the topic I have read

  • ZZkapha23

    woo,
    thanks for your honesty. thank you. thank you. i’m not here to offer advice bc
    i have daily struggles and almost wish i could even enjoy that piece, which is
    sad but it’s my struggle. it’s my shame bc the desire is not wanting to sin.
    not wanting to disappoint God and the daily prayers and pleadings to God to
    take this thing away,..just feels like He doesn’t listen or doesn’t care that i
    deeply struggle with porn. yes I’m a child who was sexually abused. and it’s my
    shame. yes i’ve done counseling and it has helped but i continue to battle with
    my sexual desires. i am so disenchanted with church right now bc they refuse to
    address it. they refuse to reach out to those single women who struggle just as
    bad or worse as men. I’m not married. i have no kids. but I’m deeply afraid to
    get into any type of relationship bc i know i will fall. isn’t that sad. i cry
    out to God to help remove these feelings but nothing. it’s like you’re in hell
    everyday and i become angry bc i know what happened to me as a child plays a role
    in what i deal with. and ask God why bc I can’t see how He gets Glory from
    this. I gave my life to Christ at 13, i’ve served in ministry but i still
    struggle. when does this end? yes, keep me lifted bc i don’t want to make
    things worse…slipping away….so i hear ya, woo. I know your struggle.

  • Angela

    Yah we’re all a work on progress and your making progress just by being open  and honest. I want to encourage you to look at how God views you and loves you as his child. Below is a link to another great resource where the conversation and community continues. Blessings!
    http://moralrevolution.com/

  • Mike Kennedy

    Did I just read your ramble on about how much you love giving blowjobs? Lol.

    If you like it, and it’s not interfering with your life, then I don’t see the problem.

  • Matthewalsolevi

    The ultimate question we must ask is this, do we believe what we say we believe in. If we do then we must fear God because he is who he says he is, God. The one who has power to destroy both mind and body in hell. If we believe in God then we have to run from evil or we will find ourselves in danger of the fires of hell.

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