SHELLIE HERE: Some of you may wonder why there are men that blog in the women’s section. It’s because I am a firm believer in the saying, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” and I’m hoping that, in the men sharing on this side of the site, a girl that’s dating a guy who has a porn addiction will, not necessarily end the relationship, but will *definitely* be REALISTIC about how it is affecting her significant other. That perhaps she will take an honest assessment about the dangers of the relational road that they are on (nowhere good), if there is not a detour taken. Real talk? As controversial to some as it may be for me to say, “It’s really hard to be loved *well* by a man who lusts porn.” There tends to not be enough room for both and this is just one example of that fact.
Anyway, thanks Jack for your honest take. Confession heals (James 5:16). Testimonies do too (I Timothy 4:14-16-AMP).
Porn is a poison to my mind and spirit.
I’ve enjoyed the intoxicating poision to the point that I had no idea the effects it had on my life until I stopped viewing and reading it. I used to think there was no harm in it before, during and after my marriage except that I knew it was wrong. Surely God wasn’t pleased. I knew my wife wasn’t pleased. I had no clue the negative impact this had on my life except for helping lead to my divorce. I had my ex-wife look at the email of this request for writing this blog and we had a very nice discussion. I realize that she wondered what I got out of porn that she didn’t provide for me. She felt like she wasn’t physically attractive enough to please me, even though she is a very pretty lady. She felt like she could never please me sexually and finally was repulsed to even try to.
Porn is a drug of the worst kind.
Not only did it destroy my marriage, but it destroyed my ability to have a healthy lovng relationship with a woman as God intends a husband and wife. I have discovered for myself that I could not enjoy a friendship and a sexual relationship with a woman at the same time. It was one or the there other, but never both. If I was sexually attracted, I could not maintain a intimate deep friendship. If I enjoyed a friendship with a woman. I could not maintain a sexual relationship or I didn’t even initiate sex. The woman would have to initiate having sex and then it would be down hill from there in the friendship.
Now I realize all this is taking place outside of marriage and the practicing Christian values, but such has been my life. The level of damage that the toxicity of porn has infected me is much like a drunk: You don’t realize how bad you are until you sober up and and take a look back.
I don’t know if I will ever be given the chance to be in love and enjoy romance with the benefit of making love without the poison of porn affecting me. I do not want to be like a few men I know that will never attract the woman of their dreams (porn star). All they do is stay home isolated and view porn. I am sobered up and healed to a point now that is desire the woman of my dreams and in fact, I have met her. Unfortunately, it seems to reasons unrelated for the reason of this blog, that we may never be given a chance to see what may happen. All I can say is I will enjoy the friendship and the romance we have.
I pray and ask God for a chance to be joined as one with the woman I love, but for now the permission has not been granted. I will say for the first time in my life I am enjoying the deep intimacy of friendship and romance that I do not believe I could ever experience if I was still addicted to porn.