Can I just vent for a moment or two? (Thanks)
I've been pretty open with you guys (and gals) about the fact that I myself am a porn addict in recovery, right? And while my personal "porn of choice" wasn't Internet pornography (although I did tend to download erotica from time to time), I must admit that I find it rather interesting and ironic that now that I blog for a porn ministry, I see more porn ads than I ever did when I was an addict. (Sent directly to my [email protected] account.)
For instance, in the past 24 hours, these are some of the emails I received (I'm sharing with you the subject headings):
The giant rose from my boxers
Are you swinging for the home run
You can now tear her apart (how romantic)
Safe and potent enhancement pills
And ironically, Save 90% on watches! Visit replica store
Yeah, I don't really get it, either. As a matter of fact, on some days, I get more watch advertisements than I do porn and so today, I decided to put some deep(er) thought into it.
I remember when I was an avid porn participant. Although I did have my hard core stash, because XXX stores are not where "good girls" go, I preferred to get my fix through cable. Just last night, I was writing a devotional and comparing certain cycles that we all tend to become a part of to that of a hamster running in a wheel in its cage. Ultimately, it doesn't get the hamster, anywhere...but worn out.
That's what my porn cycle was like. I would watch it for 10 minutes, masturbate, feel guilty, fall asleep, wake up, watch ten more minutes, do it again, fall asleep for longer and before I knew it, two hours (give or take 20 minutes), two hours that I will never get back, were GONE! It reminds me of a quote my friend, Tim Alan Gardner said in his book "Sacred Sex" (get it, please get it!): "It has been said that a man (or woman) seeking to satisfy his (or hers) sexual cravings with pornography is like a man (or woman) dying of thirst lusting after salt."
Say a word! Say a word!
Looking back, porn never satisfied me. As a matter of fact, that's why/how I became caught up in it. One look, ten stares, three flicks and it still was never enough. Hmph, when you look at it that way, porn is a pretty bad rap. It makes billions of dollars every year and never even satisfies us.
What a waste of money. What a waste energy. What a waste of TIME.
Ahhh...ah-ha! So maybe it's God allowing me to receive the watch advertisements to counteract the porn ones that I've been getting. Maybe that's his way of reminding me how such a waste of time it would be to even open up one of those things to see what it has to offer.
Afte all, don't get it twisted, ya'll. Just because I'm delivered, doesn't mean that I don't get tempted. I often tell people that deliverance is nothing more than operating in foresight, and in this case it would be accepting the fact that when I get "Now it can get harder than ever" emails, it would be best to just delete it and move on so that I can devote my time to things that will actually satisfy me. :-)
Speaking of, if you are a woman battling with porn or the partner of someone who is, I was honored to do an interview with Porn Addict Hubby.Com this month. Feel free to check it out at www.pornaddicthubby.com/XXXChurch.html.
Until next time, hang in there ladies and gents. When it comes to abstaining from porn, take it from me, it ain't easy, but it's better.