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Question of the Week: What Would You Tell a Single Girl About Married Sex?

by Shellie R. Warren on March 10th, 2012 in Women


I’m currently doing a little bit of a project on “On Fire” about what married women would do over as a single woman knowing what they know now…um, as a married woman. There are some *really enlightening* bits of information coming forth. For example, this one below is from RPS that I haven’t posted onto the blog site yet:

1) Discuss, I mean REALLY discuss religion before you walk down the aisle:  If your beliefs are important to you and something you want to share with a future family, know what your partner’s beliefs are and make sure they run parallel to yours.  What seems like not a big deal can DEFINITELY turn into one, especially when children enter the picture.

2) Before getting married, live on your own if you can afford it: I am so thankful that I lived on my own for almost 7 years before I got married, I learned a lot about who I was, how to run a household (paying bills, budgeting, etc.), got to practice cooking (lol), learned how to create boundaries, and can appreciate having a partner.

3) Know that his family is your family once you get married so choose accordingly:  Had I known the extent of my new family’s, um, interaction, I definitely would have discussed boundaries and waited out our trip down the aisle until significant changes were made rather than trying to deal with them while also navigating our first year of marriage.  Although I believe that we are stronger today because of all that we’ve been through, I don’t wish those trials on anyone.

4) What’s mine is yours and what yours is mine, FOR REAL:  This is where “For richer or for poorer” comes into play.  If you are in debt when you get married, you both are in debt.  If he has financial obligations, you both have financial obligations.  After almost 2 years of marriage I am a big advocate for getting your house in order before getting married if you are able.  One less stress to worry about…

5) Know when to hold back and when to let go:  I am still in the process of perfecting this one.  Not every argument is worth getting into.  Sometimes its best to just let it go, especially if its not a big issue.  Nagging and passive aggressive comments build up and turn into blow ups so choose your battles as well as choose your tone.  I’ve had to learn to save some of my reactions for a minute or two so that I can harness my initial anger and think and respond reasonably.  Let’s be honest, when you’re together 24/7, things will make you mad, that’s just how it is.  You can keep things civil by thinking before you act, admitting and apologizing when you’re wrong, and not holding a grudge…

Good stuff, right? And then there was one that brings me to the Question of the Week:

“I wish I had trusted God and waited on the Lord to deal with unresolved sin in both my life and the life of my spouse before we entered in instead of manipulating Scripture to my advantage like: ‘two are better than one’.  I wish I had known the consequences of entering in sexually broken and sexually sinful.  I wish I had known that what I believed in my mind of how it was going to be was something I created and was not substantiated by the Word of God. Dreams and visions are great but only dreams and visions that can be measured by Scripture will stand and bear fruit.”—Michelle

I think one of the most powerful ministries that there is within the Body of Christ is marriage ministry and being that sex is a gift that was given within it, I also think there is a *mission* that married people should be on to educate singles on the *purpose* AND *responsibility* that comes with marital intimacy (a lot of us already know about the benefits and unfortunately, that’s all a lot of us seem to even care about).

I’m thankful for websites like, “The Intimate Couple” that are willing to dive into this topic, and I’m personally a *huge* believer in the fact that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure (or suffering or regret) and so, in thinking about how vocal the commenters on this site can be, my question for this week is this:

“If you are married or divorced, male or female, in thinking about marital sex vs. single sex, in preparing singles for the marriage bed and reflecting upon your own journey, what advice would you give them in preparation for married sex?”

Sound off…



  • Reflectwhatyoubelieve

    good artical, wish i could check out the intimate couple link but the 3xwatch is blocking it…haha

    • Shellie R. Warren

       How *ironic*. I don’t recall that it blocks Christian Nymphos. Hmph. 😉

  • Godsgr89

    Stress to them how blessed the marriage bed really is, My husband and I lived together before we got married, we justified by saying we are getting married anyway. What joy we robbed ourselves of. 
    If you have taken a vow of purity mean it, not until your 18 but until your  honeymoon night. I promise you married sex is so much better than single sex, I have been married 22 years.
    Even if you are both virgins have a frank talk with someone about what to expect the first time you have sex, talk about birth control,  talk about sexual boundaries, I thought I had to say yes to everything.
    Do not belive the hollywood lies, Married life is great, but it takes work, you don’t marry your prince charming and ride off into the sunset, You will fight, you will make up that is real life everyday marriage. 
    If you start to have problems get counceling right away there is no shame, 
    Pray together, 

  • JQ

     I heard that someone, maybe a preacher, told a chaste young man on his wedding day, prepare to “enjoy” the worst sex you’ll ever have. His point being that since its new to the couple, they won’t be very “good” at it for awhile, but they can have fun learning. I thought the comments above were very good. I would recommend that if either person has had a porn addiction, that they not enter marriage unless they’re sure that’s no longer a temptation for them and that they aren’t expecting marriage sex to “cure” fantasy sex. It doesn’t work that way, especially when couples are waiting into their mid twenties to marry.

    It would be a good idea for the two of them to read a sex manual together as well. Don’t want anyone getting bored.

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