“These two will form a UNION in marriage ….

Union: An act uniting two or more things into one <union of a man and woman in marriage>

 “We are here today to JOIN this woman and man”……

Join: To become joined <place where two roads join>

“Today we will UNITE this man and woman in holy matrimony”…..

Unite: To put or come together to form a single unit

I have been to several weddings and have heard it said in many ways how a man and woman start out as two people and become ONE.  Many have forgotten that once married you became of one flesh with your wife and I was one of them.  My past sins with pornography have pried at the seam of our union and made tears in it but, these tears are being repaired over time.

The Cure for Porn is Marriage?                                                 

Over the last year or so I have heard so many guys tell me that they thought when they got married that their infatuation with porn would disappear for ever.  Man I even had the same thoughts at one point in our engagement.  Getting married may prolong your sobriety to porn but, it will not remove it.  A newlywed’s sexual relationship with each other can be crazy but, thing can turn quickly.

How about when you have a fight with your wife over how the towels should be folded, not doing the laundry or shrinking the laundry for that matter.  (I’ve done these. Sorry Darcy) For some their reaction is to freeze the other one out and that can lead to no sex.  Your past habits then creep into play and since you aren’t having sex with your wife, you turn back to porn the one thing you thought left when you got married.  One thing leads to the next and your turn to self-gratification.

For many the sexual drive becomes less when they have children.  Your relationship takes a turn towards a new kind of love and is not so dependent on the sexual encounters any more.  Once again you may have been good so far but, you’re not getting what you think you need.  Just one flip of the switch and your back on the road down Porn Boulevard and self-gratification.  Isn’t crazy how many of us turn to the selfish act of masturbation when we don’t get what we want instead of waiting.  Marriage will not replace your struggles with pornography it will only be a bandage until it comes undone.

Getting married to Brian was the best thing that had happened in my life.  Brian and I were getting along so well in our new journey in life as husband and wife.  All the while Brian’s thirst for porn was taking him down and affecting our marriage at all angles.  When we first got married we spent almost every waking minute with each other what ever we were doing.  We decided to start a family and I am sure most women would agree that when you are pregnant you do not feel sexy.  Porn started to consume him more and more as I was too tired and just not interested.

Brian would watch porn through out the day come home and want to have sex with me and he wouldn’t stop until I gave in or we’d get in a fight.  After a while I started feeling like a failure as a wife for shutting him out.  I started avoiding him at night and slipping into my pajamas before he would come to bed so he wouldn’t touch me.  Most of the time though I would go to bed before him and pretend that I was sleeping, or wait till he would go to bed and fall asleep.  I felt like I was trapped by this man who did not act like my husband anymore and was afraid of him.  After he had come forward and told me of his addiction things slowly got better. I did not have to pretend to be asleep, or worry about getting undressed with him in the room. I am now getting back the man that I had married 11 years ago.  Marriage is for a man and a woman, not a man, wife, his porn stars, and whatever else you’ll take into your marriage.  Please, if you are dealing with this and you’re on your way to getting married deal with it now and rid yourself of it before it destroys a part of your marriage or worse.

Hours and hours of viewing porn will over stimulate your mind and eventually guys you’ll lose that feeling of passion with your wife.  For me, as my wife explained was more uncommon than most.  We see comments from wives like “Why doesn’t he want me any more”?  “I am not attractive any more”?  “Doesn’t he love me any more”?  Now I know that these comments are not true but, our actions or lack there of have provided a crossed message.  God has given us sex as an amazing gift to share with our wives and porn can rob you of that gift.  You’re sitting at work or home and you start looking for porn and by the time your done you have just exhausted yourself sexually leaving your wife out of the picture.  Now if you’re a Christian and live by the word you’ll know that you are committing adultery by having and affair with these porn stars in your heart.

Guys, in regards to the wedding phrases above!  We stood there and said these words making a commitment to love this woman with all of our heart and come together as ONE.  Don’t let the fantasies of porn come between you and your wife.  At one time I was married not to my wife but, to porn. A marriage that nearly ruined my real marriage the way God intended it to be.

Ladies, you as well stood their along side your man and made this same commitment to God and everyone there.  If your husband is going through this he needs you to stand by him here as well and fulfill the commitment you made that day “for better or worse”.  This may be difficult for both of you but, it is something that can be beat and your marriage can be restored.

If you’re struggling or know someone who is, please visit our resource pages for information to get help.  Make the first step admit it and confess it.