“So, Pharaoh needs to look for a wise and experienced man and put him in charge of the country. Then Pharaoh needs to appoint managers throughout the country of Egypt to organize it during the years of plenty. Their job will be to collect all the food produced in the good years ahead and stockpile the grain under Pharaoh's authority, storing it in the towns for food. This grain will be held back to be used later during the seven years of famine that are coming on Egypt. This way the country won't be devastated by the famine.

This seemed like a good idea to Pharaoh and his officials.

Then Pharaoh said to his officials, 'Isn't this the man we need? Are we going to find anyone else who has God's spirit in him like this?'

So Pharaoh said to Joseph, 'You're the man for us. God has given you the inside story—no one is as qualified as you in experience and wisdom. From now on, you're in charge of my affairs; all my people will report to you. Only as king will I be over you.'"---Genesis 41:36-40


An author by the name of Jonathan Kozol once said that “There comes a point and time in history when we need to call things by their rightful names.”

I couldn’t agree more. So when it comes to the heart, soul and spirit of Potiphar’s wife, she was definitely a hoochie. I know this because a delivered spirit can recognize a bound-up likened one, and when I tell you that I used to be similar to her, I ain’t lyin’.

While in college, I recall one relationship in particular that was very similar to that of Joseph and the king’s wife. Because I never really learned how to relay healthy intimate feelings towards the opposite sex (in other words, if we both found each other to be attractive, had good energy and conversation and liked each other in a friendly way, then that must mean that we should entertain taking things to the next level), it was hard for me to maintain one of the best friendships that I had at the time.

I remember one night being in his dorm room and trying to coerce him into sleeping with me, noticing that his “flesh” was interested; but his spirit prevailed. At the time, I found it to be rejection, but looking back, I see it was pure love; not just love that he had for our friendship, but love that he had for himself. What an attractive quality for a man to see beyond the moment into what lies ahead (as a real leader does).

And what a disgusting quality for a woman to not be able to do the same.

The really scary thing is that we are now in the midst of a generation of young girls with this same hoochie mentality. Just recently, I was talking to one of my many surrogate nephews about a girl who was propositioning him for oral sex. He’s not even old enough to drive and already he is contemplating sexual activities that I was unaware of until college and my parents’ generation probably didn’t know anything about until marriage (let some of them tell it, they still don’t know----the devil is a liar!). Suddenly sexual acts that should be treated as sacred (which for clarification’s sake are all of them) are not only not saved for the marital bed, but women, God’s daughters, his royal princesses are, as my grandmother used to say, “sitting on a million dollars and giving it away for a Happy Meal”…a drive home, a phone call, a note passed in class, a rubber bracelet…nothing. The crazy thing is like the adulteress in Proverbs 5, a lot of these women don’t even see how lost they really are:

“The lips of a seductive woman are oh so sweet, her soft words are oh so smooth. But it won't be long before she's gravel in your mouth, a pain in your gut, a wound in your heart. She's dancing down the primrose path to Death; she's headed straight for Hell and taking you with her. She hasn't a clue about Real Life, about who she is or where she's going.

So, my friend, listen closely; don't treat my words casually. Keep your distance from such a woman; absolutely stay out of her neighborhood. You don't want to squander your wonderful life, to waste your precious life among the hardhearted. Why should you allow strangers to take advantage of you? Why be exploited by those who care nothing for you? You don't want to end your life full of regrets, nothing but sin and bones, saying, "Oh, why didn't I do what they told me? Why did I reject a disciplined life? Why didn't I listen to my mentors, or take my teachers seriously? My life is ruined! I haven't one blessed thing to show for my life!"---Proverbs 5:3-14

One of the key portions of this scripture that stood out to me was “she doesn’t have a clue about who she is or where she is going”. Ladies, let me just say that one of the first signs that a man is no good for you is if he doesn’t care about your priorities. He’s not interested in your goals, dreams or desires, and any time you try to have a meaningful conversation with him, all that seems to come out of his mouth is some reference to your anatomy and what he’d like to do to it. Take it from me, when you’re a girl with no life, it comes across as flirting; but the moment you get one, it immediately translates into sexual harassment.

And fellas, you are receiving this warning from the wisest---and yet dumbest---man who ever lived, Solomon. C’mon, according to this text, does it sound like having 700 wives and 300 concubines (I Kings 11:3) was really the jump off? To me, it sounds like Solomon was the product of a generational curse (after all, his parents were David and Bathsheba, remember?---2 Samuel 12:24) of sexual misuse.

Simply put, a man who feels the need to surround himself without a lot of women, or really even just a man who sexually involves himself with a woman who is not his covenant partner, is the very definition of insecure. The scriptures say it (“Do not give your strength to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.---Proverbs 31:3) and so does the definition of insecure:

Insecure: not sure or certain; doubtful; lacking stability; troubled; lacking self-confidence and emotional stability; plagued by anxiety.

And let’s be real. When you are a woman in your right mind (because that is key), who really wants a man like that? Ladies, take it from me. If you want a good man, you will want a godly man. A man who knows that:

“When we suffer for Jesus, it works out for your healing and salvation. If we are treated well, given a helping hand and encouraging word, that also works to your benefit, spurring you on, face forward, unflinching. Your hard times are also our hard times. When we see that you're just as willing to endure the hard times as to enjoy the good times, we know you're going to make it, no doubt about it.”---2 Corinthians 1:6

“The best thing you can do right now is to finish what you started last year and not let those good intentions grow stale. Your heart's been in the right place all along. You've got what it takes to finish it up, so go to it. Once the commitment is clear, you do what you can, not what you can't. The heart regulates the hands. This isn't so others can take it easy while you sweat it out. No, you're shoulder to shoulder with them all the way, your surplus matching their deficit, their surplus matching your deficit. In the end you come out even. As it is written, Nothing left over to the one with the most, nothing lacking to the one with the least. I thank God for giving Titus the same devoted concern for you that I have. He was most considerate of how we felt, but his eagerness to go to you and help out with this relief offering is his own idea. We're sending a companion along with him, someone very popular in the churches for his preaching of the Message. But there's far more to him than popularity. He's rock-solid trustworthy. The churches handpicked him to go with us as we travel about doing this work of sharing God's gifts to honor God as well as we can, taking every precaution against scandal.”----2 Corinthians 8:10

“So, friends, take a firm stand, feet on the ground and head high. Keep a tight grip on what you were taught, whether in personal conversation or by our letter. May Jesus himself and God our Father, who reached out in love and surprised you with gifts of unending help and confidence, put a fresh heart in you, invigorate your work, enliven your speech.”---2 Thessalonians 2:15

“The answer's simple: Live right, speak the truth, despise exploitation, refuse bribes, reject violence, avoid evil amusements. This is how you raise your standard of living! A safe and stable way to live. A nourishing, satisfying way to live.”---Isaiah 33:15

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”---Philippians 4:6-7 (NKJV)

A few days ago I was asking myself, “Why do so many women, even and in some ways especially, church going women, have such a lack of a desire for godly men?”

I think that one of the main reasons is that too often we associate godly with religion rather than relationship. Remember, in previous chapters, we discussed that a godly man is one who respects God’s order of things (God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, man and woman). The truth is, when a man doesn’t have a relationship with God, he doesn’t understand God’s order and more times than not, as a direct result, the order gets reversed.

Now, instead of a man telling a woman “No, I’m not going to sleep with you because you are not my wife and I love myself too much to degrade my mind, body and spirit by laying down with someone who doesn’t understand her value and God’s order”, like dogs in heat who operate on instinct, they are droppin’ their drawers in the back of car seats, on park benches and anywhere else a woman sets it out. Yes, as God says in Romans, because so many men are worshiping the creature rather than the Creator (Romans 1:25), they are being left to deal withl their lust; a counterfeit designed by the Enemy that can never be fully satisfied. A wise man, however, heeds good counsel:

“Don't lustfully fantasize on her beauty, nor be taken in by her bedroom eyes. You can buy an hour with a whore for a loaf of bread, but a wanton woman may well eat you alive. Can you build a fire in your lap and not burn your pants? Can you walk barefoot on hot coals and not get blisters? It's the same when you have sex with your neighbor's wife: Touch her and you'll pay for it. No excuses. Hunger is no excuse for a thief to steal; When he's caught he has to pay it back, even if he has to put his whole house in hock. Adultery is a brainless act, soul-destroying, self-destructive; Expect a bloody nose, a black eye, and a reputation ruined for good. For jealousy detonates rage in a cheated husband; wild for revenge, he won't make allowances. Nothing you say or pay will make it all right; neither bribes nor reason will satisfy him.”---Proverbs 6:24

He knows that any time he enters into the dwelling place of a woman who God has not given him the permission in which to reside, trouble is on the way. Remember, when it comes to adultery, any time you are sleeping with someone who is not your covenant partner, you are sleeping with someone’s future mate, therefore, planting the seeds of adultery that reap the results of hell---both here on earth and in the afterlife (I Corinthians 6:9). A good, godly man also knows that in order to maintain God’s order, he cannot be in the least bit lukewarm in his resolve:

“Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”---James 4:4 (NKJV)

And, he knows that the woman God has purposed for him will not be flaky, either:

“The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as "my dear husband." You'll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.”---I Peter 3:1-6

You wanna see someone who is out of place? If it’s a woman, watch how much energy she puts into her “container” and rather than her “content”. And, if it’s a man, his depth can be determined by how much or little praise he gives upon making this observation.

Which is why Joseph had no problem running up out of Potiphar’s wife’s presence. I am willing to bet that she was attractive. And, to a carnal-minded man, I’m sure what Joseph did (running out of her house) appeared to real punk-like. After all, society teaches us that if you’re a "real" man, you don’t turn down a good piece of…sin (uh…yeah…OK).

But if you are looking with spiritual discernment, you see just how much of a man Joseph really was. He respected the fact that to take something that belonged to someone else, not only violated their friendship (and if you are a child of God, you have a responsibility to all men), but his relationship with God as well (do you see more and more why you need a godly man?). Because, he knew that he had to submit to God and God does not condone sexual immorality (I Corinthians 6:18), the woman’s proposition was not worth even considering. It may be have been tempting, but it stopped right there. Sure, he may have had to run, but God still kept his word when he said that he would always provide a plan of escape (I Corinthians 10:13).

Now please don’t think that Potiphar’s wife is off the hook within this message. Not only did she attempt to tempt a man she was not in covenant with, but she then tried to frame him for rape once she was rejected.

Ladies, I know I am speaking to someone when I say this. As I am dealing with my own singleness and I wait for who God has for me (I have a feeling he’s in leadership training), the only thing that I know for sure is that I am to be “anxious for nothing”, which can be really hard for an assertive personality like mine. One night, when I thought I was gonna jump out of my skin, God led me to the synonyms for the word:

Anxious: afraid, aghast, antsy*, apprehensive, basket case*, bugged*, butterflies, careful, choked*, clutched*, concerned, disquieted, distressed, disturbed, dreading, fearful, fidgety, fretful, hacked*, hyper*, in suspense*, jittery, jumpy, nervous, nervy, overwrought, restless, scared, shaking, shaky, shivery, shook up*, solicitous, spooked*, strung out*, sweating bullets*, taut, troubled, uneasy, unglued*, unquiet, uptight*, watchful, wired*, wired up, worried sick*, wrecked.

I don’t know what exactly was going on with Potiphar’s wife at the time that she threw herself before Joseph like some Dollar Tree dish rag. Maybe her husband was away on business so much that she felt neglected. Maybe their sex drives were incompatible. Maybe he didn’t speak her love language (www.fivelovelanguages.com). But for all of these scenarios, sleeping with another man was not going to solve anything. In all actuality, her “scared”, “fearful”, “jittery”, “restless” behavior caused her to act in desperation.

She’s not alone. Remember, the word says that “He who findeth (to come upon or discover by searching or making an effort) a wife findeth a good thing” (Proverbs 18:22). If you desire a husband, again, wife preparation begins before he steps on to the scene.

Have you ever been in the car with someone who is jumpy? I know most of my friends will say “yes” because I tend to be one of those people; it’s a control thing and I’m working on it. Anyway, if you are on a road trip and they are supposed to help you out by giving you directions and keeping you company, but all they are doing is fidgeting, yelling at you to watch the possum in the road and fumbling with the road map, really...how much help are they?

My sistahs, we are called to be a help to our husbands in this journey that we call life. If you think waiting on a man is hard, just wait until you and your husband are having financial problems and he’s needing you not to panic, or his spirit is broken and he’s needing you to be his sanctuary when he doesn’t have clear cut answers---yet.

It’s so easy to judge a woman like Potiphar’s wife, but let me just tell you that a woman will do strange things when she’s desperate. That’s why a godly man has no desire in pursuing a woman like that. He knows that once the beauty fades (and beauty doesn’t fade with age, but poor experience) that there won’t be much to show for his pursuit in the long run.

I added the end result to Potiphar’s wife’s lies concerning Joseph for a reason. Once again we are shown that God and truth prevail no matter what the circumstances. Ladies, a man doesn’t need you to make him feel powerful and no matter what you conjure up in response to your bruised ego and hurt feelings as the result of his rejection, it has no barring on God’s plan for his life.

In other words, if a man doesn’t want you, don’t be out trying to seek revenge (dating his friend, keying his car, destroying his rep, etc.). No matter what the outcome, we are called to love our neighbor as ourselves. And so you know what that means, right? If sexual immorality, desperation or vengeance is in your mind, you don’t love yourself very much at all (Luke 10:27).

Which leads me to the homework for today:

Spend some time in 2 Timothy 3. If you find yourself taking advantage of someone (causing them to do anything that is outside of the will of God) and especially if you find yourself being taken advantage of, this chapter will provide you with some great insight into why that just may be the case.

Next, ask God to purify your heart so that a godly man----not a man who is religious, but a man who has a relationship with Christ----will be a man that you so desire. Any man operating outside of that is an insecure, doubtful man (James 1:6-8). Following him will only make you e-motion sick.

And finally, ask God to restore a state of peace in your mind. I am preaching to the choir with this one, but sometimes our anxiety, causes us to violate the very prayer request that God is trying to answer. Remember, for a man, leadership training is solely a God/man issue. Look at it this way, when you find yourself not being “weary in well doing” (2 Thessalonians 3:13) as a single woman, it’s training for the endurance that you will need as a wife, and trust me, you will need much more then than you have need for now. God is a God of order (I Corinthians 14:40). There will be no regrets if you follow it.

Class dismissed.

©Shellie R. Warren/2006