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3 Reasons Beautiful Couples Cheat

by Shellie R. Warren on June 12th, 2015 in Favorites, Couples, Spouses

3-reasons-beautiful-cheatSomeone once told me something to think about: “The finest person in the world is somewhere getting on their spouse’s last nerve.”

I mean, think about it. It seems that pretty much every day, we’re hearing about a celebrity break-up or divorce—and a lot of those people are beautiful.

Why? Because looks aren’t everything. So no matter how attractive you are, that’s not enough to get a person, keep a person, or prevent that person from cheating. In fact, as a marriage life coach, I deal with my fair share of couples who love one another and still have experienced infidelity.

The reasons why are not as black-and-white as you might think. Here are three:

1) One or both people feel taken for granted. Although some may want to assume that men cheat more than women, there are actually studies which indicate as much as 50 percent of wives will cheat at some point in their marriage. And whenever I ask either the husband or the wife why they did it, the answers oftentimes lead to the same point: The husband feels like the wife barks demands or complains all of the time about what he’s not doing or should be doing more of rather than acknowledging his actual efforts. The wife doesn’t feel like her man is putting in the same kind of effort to “keep her” as he did to get her. There’s no dating. There are no compliments. There is no good or lasting foreplay.

Bottom line: the “potential cheater” starts to feel taken for granted, which leaves a void they want to fill. If that doesn’t happen inside the home, they start to look elsewhere.

Just because your spouse promised to “love, honor and cherish” you until death that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t acknowledge and appreciate the fact that each day they make a choice to stay with you. No one wants to be taken for granted. (Tweet This!) If you know you’re guilty of doing that, take this as a heads-up that something needs to change. Soon.

2) The sex sucks. I thought about putting this another way, but some folks need to hear it just like that. This is another complaint that I hear from husbands and wives alike. Husbands tend to complain about a lack of consistency and wives tend to complain about the monotony of the experience. When it comes to how often a couple should have sex, it depends on the couple. I’ll say this, though: No matter how long someone’s been married to you, they’ll never like rejection. So, if you’re always brushing your spouse off or acting like something is wrong with them for wanting to have sex with you more than once or twice a month, that could cause them to develop an emotional wall first and a curiosity about cheating second.

At the same time, if sex is always about what you want or how you like it, if there is no romance or fulfilling foreplay…if everything is about “getting to the end” without enjoying the journey, that can cause someone to become bored. Then resentful. And then thinking about things that they’ve probably never thought about before. And when you think long enough, you start to dwell on those thoughts, and when you dwell on something long enough, it’s not too long until you are tempted (really tempted) to act.

3) There is a lost connection. One of my favorite relationship quotes is “People change and forget to tell one another.” That’s how couples can be married for 30-40 years and wake up one day and feel like they no longer know their spouse. If you’re not listening to your spouse, if you’re not paying attention to their love languages, if there is no prayer and devotional time—in short, if you’re not making one another a top priority, there will start to be a disconnect. It’s the ideal breeding ground for an emotional affair and oftentimes that can be far more destructive than a “hit it and quit it” physical affair. Why? Because emotional affairs tend to create really powerful connections.

Yeah, beautiful people can sho ‘nuff have affairs. One of the best things that you can do to avoid one yourself is to be more proactive than reactive in your relationship. Think about the things that I’ve shared, discuss them with your spouse and be open to their feedback.

Any counselor worth their time and money will tell you that rarely is an affair simply about some horny person who can’t control themselves. (Tweet This!) It’s about needs going unmet. And then getting to the point of being desperate enough to find a way to get them met. Sadly, even if it means having an affair.


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  • inforior

    These are all fine points but only loosely related to cheating. Ask any married couple of 15+ years if they have gone through seasons of having their needs unmet or being taken for granted. You’ve described every marriage. So all married people have needs unmet at some times but only a portion turn into unfaithful spouses. Why? That’s really the root of the issue. This very likely gets into family upbringing, addictions, unresolved trauma, neglect, etc. experienced BEFORE the marriage that was not dealt with and results in horrible coping skills brought INTO the marriage. If you have a spouse that has a history that is not dealt with properly you cannot “affair-proof” your marriage by trying hard enough to make sure your spouse never has an unmet need. It won’t work. They have to own and deal with their own #!&@ even if it was not their fault that they went through it.

  • Raechel Frantom

    I agree with inforior. That is correct. People also cheat out of spite or to get even because the other spouse has lied about a porn addiction. No woman can compare or compete with a fake airbrushed perfect digital woman that play acts. No woman should have to go through that comparison and after awhile you start to feel like something is wrong with you as a person, as a woman…. so you go out to find if it’s true (are you unattractive, not enough) with another person. So much more reasons to cheat than are listed here. And really you are being cheated in a marriage where your spouse is cheating you out of love, etc. by porn addictions, etc. So who is really cheating and who started it? Hmmmm? A question for the professionals for sure.

  • CJ

    inforior, I totally agree. Going through this right now with my wife of 21 years after she had disconnected from me (and not let me in on it) over the last 5 to 6 years and had steadily grown more disenchanted and frustrated with our marriage to the point that she had an emotional affair the past two years that I exposed over the summer. What she blames me for, though, I do take responsibility for, but she is ultimately responsible for her own issues that she used to cope with our marriage and the ultimate choice to quit loving me or honoring our martial vows that we made before God, family and friends. While I still love and cherish her and am committed to reconciling, she is still making the choice to keep her walls up. Just praying that God will soften her heart to love me again and that we can reconcile and redeem our marriage into a covenant that is stronger than ever before! That is my prayer.

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