When we posted it, I thought nothing of it. In fact,
I think it’s a legitimate question.
However, within minutes of posting the comments started pouring in. And let’s just say most of them weren’t good. In fact, many were super-angry accusing the speakers in the video (Craig Gross and his wife Jeanette) of being superficial and poking fun at “fat people.”
This completely blew me away.
And let me be clear, one of the great things about this organization is that we all don’t have to agree on everything.
We understand the importance of talking about difficult topics and we realize that, in doing so, we will stir up conflicting opinions. In fact, there have been things we’ve posted before that I personally wouldn’t have posted.
BUT this video ain’t one of them.
Why? Because there is a lot of legitimacy in asking this question!
However, let’s clear something up:
Weight is not the issue.
Fitness is the issue.
And yes, I believe that better fitness will improve your sex life.
And before you accuse me of “fat-shaming,” know this about me:
I’ve been super-skinny and in terrible shape.
I’ve been in single digit body fat % and been in great shape.
I’ve also been about 30lb over what I weigh now (which was considered obese) and in even worse shape.
And today I’m 43, I work out daily, am in very good shape, and I love it. I don’t even let up when I’m nursing an injury.
Because I realize now that, for me, a better fitness level equals a better lifestyle level.
So, I thought I would share with you five fitness benefits that will impact your marriage in a positive way. These aren’t for the purposes of shaming anyone who’s out of shape or overweight: these are just real benefits. Take ‘em or leave ‘em. Regardless, these are things I’ve seen in my own life; I can attest to their validity firsthand.
1. Better Sex – I thought I’d get this one out of the way first since many of you may already be pissed at me.
When I was 30 pounds overweight, I did not like the way I looked, but one thing I thought about a lot at that time was, “If I don’t like what I see, what does my wife think?”
Now the truth is, my wife has always loved me for me and will continue to do so. She still swears that I was “sexy” to her back then, and I believe her now. But back then I saw what I saw, and that robbed me of my self-confidence. And self-confidence is very sexy (ask anyone); lack of self-confidence is not.
Better self-confidence equals better sex. Maybe your fitness level doesn’t matter to your spouse, but I assure you: if you get into better shape, you will feel better about yourself, and that will translate to a more confident bedroom performance.
2. Longevity – Straight up: poor fitness hurts your life span. Sure, people in great shape die all the time, but statistics don’t lie. The better shape you are in, the better chance you will live a longer life.
Why is this great for your marriage? Well, unless your marriage is terrible, hopefully your spouse is in no hurry to see you cash out (and most likely neither are your kids).
No one wants to sit around wondering if their partner is going to make it another five years because of their obesity problem. If you love your spouse, then give them some security. Give them the gift of a marriage that’s not marred by an untimely and early death.
3. Performance – Hey, when you are in you 20s, you can usually hang with most physical activities (even if you aren’t in good shape). But once you hit your mid-30s, that all changes. All of sudden you are huffing and puffing from walking up a flight of stairs or from chasing your kids around the house… and that sucks.
Better fitness means you will be in a better place to take on the word’s challenges.
Want to take a long walk with your spouse without needing an oxygen tank at the end of it?
Want to climb a scenic trail on vacation without needing an elevator for the trip down?
Want to be able to wrestle your kids without feeling like your chest is about to explode?
Get in better shape and open up a world of possibilities that you couldn’t fully enjoy when you weren’t.
4. Discipline – One thing fitness requires is discipline.
You need to be disciplined enough to say no to that second Krispy Kreme donut.
You need to be disciplined to drag yourself to the gym when it’s cold out and you’d rather stay in bed.
You need to be disciplined to push yourself on workouts so you can reach new fitness levels.
Fitness breeds discipline, and that discipline WILL spill over into other areas of your life.
Trust me, no one enjoys a spouse that lacks discipline. You already had a mother and a father. Your partner doesn’t want that responsibility.
Lack of discipline is a marriage stressor, whether it is how you parent, how you budget, or how you eat. Better fitness instills a better sense of discipline, and that will appeal to your spouse.
5. Reduced Stress – One thing that we can agree on is that marriage brings stress. Add kids into the picture and holy crap… talk about a lot of stress.
Stress is linked to (not necessarily the cause of) almost every ailment or disease you can think of, whether it be cancer, high blood pressure, heart problems, stroke, cholesterol, and so on. Stress is BAD. Period.
Being in shape (i.e. exercising) greatly reduces stress levels. In fact, exercise releases “feel good” endorphins, has been referred to as meditation in motion, improves your mood, disrupts anxiety, and improves sleep. All of these things help reduce stress.
Who doesn’t want less stress?
What marriage can’t benefit from reduced stress?
Get in better shape and you will lower stress—and improve your marriage quality at the same time.
Bottom line is this. Being in shape will improve your life. And yes, that will have, at minimum, a trickle-down effect on your marriage and your sex life.
No one is saying if you aren’t in shape then you are no good.
No one is “fat bashing.”
No one is saying you can’t have a great marriage and a great sex life if you are out of shape.
But, fitness will improve these things even more… sometimes dramatically.