Thanks, you're signed up!


Thanks for registering for the 30 Day Challenge!

We will be sending you an email shortly.

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your email from us as NOT SPAM


PS. If you don't get your email in the next few hours check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×

30 DAY PORN FREE CHALLENGE

30 DAYS OF ADVICE TO HELP YOU STAY PORN FREE

user avatar

An Open Letter To Pornography

by X3 on January 9th, 2017 in Women, Couples, Spouses

xxxchurch-an-open-letter-to-pornography-1Note: We received this letter from a woman named Jennifer. We thought this was great and wanted to share it with all of you. Hopefully this will help those of you who are either struggling with a porn addiction or married to a person who is. 

Dear Pornography,

I never personally knew you – it was my husband who introduced us

First in a Fitness magazine, then in the rejection of my touch

I always smelled your stench

My own hands released the buttons of my wedding gown

An occasion meant for the fingers of my groom

That hotel pillow was not fluffed enough to carry the weight of my tears

With skewed intimacy as your weapon, you robbed us of connection

My husband a perfect victim

An involuntary organ donor, you extracted his heart

Before raping the beauty of our sex, you claim it was consensual

Yet your memories often tainted the sacred of our sheets

Much like the photos that polluted the memory of his phone

His eyelids had been branded

Visions of you are what he saw – your silhouette between us

Two souls God designed to be one, more detached than ever before

You were number three

The woman on the side yet you lived inside our home

Call it a silent affair

A quiet addiction whose dealer is mobile – his crack house inside your pocket

Pornography

Your business is booming

40 million Americans devoted to you

You yield more revenue than the NBA, MLB, and NFL combined

Yet we don’t attribute it to sex slavery – we say, “It’s only done online”

So 50% of marriages are breaking while 50 Shades of Grey is breaking box office records

While little boys are taught that your affects are natural, recreational

346x396-recover-inline2You are not Xbox

You get them while they’re young

I worry for my future son

Defenseless consumers whose innocence you breach

Unlocking doors of their minds too narrow to be opened

My husband was one of them

He met you at 12 he’s now 1 of 200,000

Young men who are led by older brothers and peers

On expeditions of images through pornhub and smartphones

An encourager of secrets, you often hide in the dark

A monster under beds only your snarl goes unheard

Pornography

You’ve taught me I’m not beautiful unless I am porn

That you are a war and men are your casualty

Naked women on screens now gunshots to my ears

I am your veteran

I thought prayer would act as antidote to his illness

But the fine print never told him that your side effects are lethal 

Silent killer of relationships

Your fingerprints were found on the body bag of our marriage

Pornography

I always knew I smelled your stench

It still lingers through the hallways of my heart

Sincerely
Jennifer

Thanks, you're signed up!


We will be sending your first email shortly.

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add [email protected] and [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your 1st email from us as NOT SPAM


PS. If you don't get your 1st email in the next 5 minutes check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×

Hurt by Sexual Betrayal? Watch These 3 Free Videos for Immediate Help.

Back

Resources

  • Hoek

    Maybe if this woman wasnt so uptight and watch some porn with him while making love this wouldnt be a problem, but nah, like many women she feels she is right and he is wrong and is trying to make him feel guilty for doing something natural, no wonder he is turning to porn. Thats the issue here imo, if she was pleasing her man he wouldnt be resorting to porn, when a man gets off via his wife or significant other they have no interest in porn, its a tool to please themselves if others are not doing it for them. I feel this lady has no one to blame but herself unfortunately, shes obviously not making her partner happy and is treating porn like its competition when in reality its something they can both use to help each other.

    • John

      This is no laughing matter. Porn has no place in the CHRISTian world. It seduces the believer away from their spouse, their children & God/Jesus Christ. This is Satan’s work in order to render the CHRISTian ineffective. This Hoek person is apparently not a child of God, but a child of the devil (John 8:44). You cannot give way to the devil in any shape or form. If you begin compromising, then you become a supporter of sin & that sin is placed on your souls as if you yourself had committed that very sin. If the Holy Bible says it’s wrong, then it’s wrong. If a family member or friend says they were born a thief & you just wave them through saying it’s okay, then you are waving them right on into the Lake of Fire while you have a rope tied around your waist that is attached to them. Deut. 7:26
      “Neither shalt thou bring an abomination into thine house, LEST THOU BE A CURSED THING LIKE IT: but thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it is a cursed thing.”

      2Chron. 19:2
      “…Shouldest thou help the ungodly, and love them that hate the Lord? THEREFORE IS WRATH UPON THEE FROM BEFORE THE LORD.”

      2Chron.19:10
      “…ye shall even warn them that they trespass not against the Lord, and SO WRATH COME UPON YOU, AND UPON YOUR BRETHREN: this do, and ye shall not trespass.”

      Prov. 17:15
      “He that justifieth the wicked, and he that condemneth the just,
      EVEN THEY BOTH ARE ABOMINATION TO THE LORD.”

      Prov. 24:24-25
      “He that saith unto the wicked, Thou art righteous; HIM SHALL THE PEOPLE CURSE, NATIONS SHALL ABHOR HIM:
      But to them that rebuke him shall be delight,
      and a good blessing shall come upon them.”

      Haggai 2:12-14
      “If one bear holy flesh in the skirt of his garment, and with his skirt do touch bread, or pottage, or wine, or oil, or any meat, shall it be holy? And the priests answered and said, No. Then said Haggai, If one that is unclean by a dead body touch any of these, shall it be unclean? And the priests answered and said, IT SHALL BE UNCLEAN. Then answered Haggai. And said, So is this people, and so is this nation before me, saith the Lord; AND SO IS EVERY WORK OF THEIR HANDS; AND THAT WHICH THEY OFFER THERE IS UNCLEAN.”

      Romans 1:32
      “…not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.”

      2 John10-11
      “If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed: FOR HE THAT BIDDETH HIM GOD SPEED IS PARTAKER IF HIS EVIL DEEDS.”

      & finally…

      Rev 18:4
      “And I heard another voice from heaven, saying,
      Come out of her, my people,
      that ye BE NOT PARTAKERS OF HER SINS, AND THAT YE RECEIVE NOT OF HER PLAGUES.”

      • Ben

        John, I agree with you wholeheartedly. Poor has no place in the body of Christ. I struggle with porn and it sucks. The devil is not stupid. He knows exactly when and how to get a hold of you and that’s what he did to me and that’s what he’s done to millions of men, and it doesn’t matter what occupation or status in society you have pornography will kill you and your marriage. That’s why God says to flee tothful lust, flee immorality and to flee anybody like hoek who says it’s okay.

    • janet

      Hoek you are perpetuating many of the lies of porn. Very sad and uninformed, another victim of porn.

      • Hoek

        Unfortunately you are focusing on the Sin and not having an understanding, it is you who is uninformed and making assumptions, you are being quite judgmental with your assumptions. I suggest you go and confess your sins for being selfish and not understanding others. Dont blindly follow, use the brain God gave you, think and dont just regurgitate what other blind followers have pushed on to you, thats like a slap in the face to God, you have free will use it, stop riding the coattails of uninformed others. I cant believe that you ended your post with the assumption “victim of porn” how godly and holy of you my son.

        • Calee Boy

          Hoek, I agree with some of what you’ve written. Let’s not look at the sin… Or the possible addiction. Why is that person Turing to porn- food- drugs- drinking? What is the need that’s not being met? Perhaps this is their way of dealing with stress- anxiety. We need to have compassion here. Look at the person not the sin. Another fact is men view sex differently from women. For men it’s often more Mechanical, for women it’s Relational. If women understood that it would be a powerful tool in safe guarding their marriage. Just accept your husband might need to have sex 2-3 times more often than you. But it starts with you. How hard is your heart? Are u willing to serve? Women are you willing to ask your husband what do you need? Would u meet his need? Not wants… Needs. Men how about u. Have u ever asked your wife what is it you need from me? Ask it often and meet the need expecting nothing in return. Why did Moses write a bill of divorce someone asked Jesus.. Because of the hardness of your heart, Jesus replied. Porn (food) maybe be what he is doing not who he is. It takes love to change that. Get the book “How We Love” it will change the way you see yourself and people.

    • Katrina

      Why are you blaming the wife for the sins of the husband? She may not be as unavailable as you might imagine. She may even be neglected herself. Men often find it much easier to turn a screen on and off than it is to actually have to participate in a real-life relationship. Women usually require two way communication and help with day to day household activities of life. Marriage is work. Pornography doesn’t require much at all. It doesn’t ask you to help out around the house. It doesn’t have a bad day. It’s airbrushed and ready for whatever you want whenever you want. It’s a nice set-up for a self-centered man or woman.

      • Hoek

        You may think that, but re-read what ive written, he wouldnt be sinning if she pleased her man, they either turn to porn or another female. The female by not pleasing her partner is forcing him to please himself elsewhere, whether via porn or another lady. A man needs pleasure, needs that release, if the women doesnt want to participate in this then he will find other ways, thats all this comes down to, its quite simple, but instead all of you are focusing on the porn and not why he turns to porn. Look at all the replies ive gotten and how they are only focusing on porn and not why they turn to porn. My comment expressed why i feel the man turns to porn, i never said its ok or he should be doing so, thats all of you putting words in my mouth which i feel is quite disgraceful. Stop focusing on the sin so much and focus on the why, because this could be stopped before it even starts. Instead of condemning it, find out why and resort it that way. But nah, ill probably get a few more bible versus as to why porn is bad etc etc. Its like you lot actually like sin that you put all the focus on it instead of the focus being on how to stop the sin happening in the first place. Like you said, marriage is a lot of work and not pleasing your man is you not putting in the work so he will find that release elsewhere because he has no other option.

        • Erica

          Surely you are a troll. Enjoy what you sow.

          • Hoek

            Surely you are ignorant if you dont understand what ive written and make out im a troll. Grow up, be mature and have some understanding like an adult would. You are all so ingrained in sin that that is all you are focusing on instead of WHY, i really cant believe what im seeing, but keep going and then wonder and pray to God why your partner has ended up in this situation when in reality it is you the women herself that has driven this because of your focus on the wrong thing. Keep ignoring the facts and call me a troll, it will only be you and your ignorance that will fail you because of focusing on the wrong things. Makes me scratch my head to sit here and read your so called holy people focusing so much on sin and not the cause or reasons for it, what on earth is wrong with you? maybe it is your church guiding you the wrong ways? you have a long way to come before you are one with God that i guarantee, if only i could reveal who i am to you. Focus on sin and you will become a sinner is all i have to say, many have sinned just in replying to me, lack of understanding because you are so selfish in your own ways and feel you are superior, and that superiority has caused your mind to be closed and selfish and lack understanding of others. Keep thinking you are holy but the truth is shown in your actions and words. The Bible teaches to help each other and that is what i have done, brought an understanding to the table, i never said porn was fine, i stated why one turns to porn but the focus of my words were on the sin itself smh, may God forgive you for your sins.

    • Sesars

      “Hoek, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I’ve ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response was there anything that could even be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul!”

  • Somebody

    Dear Jennifer,

    Porn didn’t ruin your marriage, you and your husband did. He basically cheated on you, you even stated it yourself as ‘a silent affair’. Just because a woman is there, doesn’t mean that he should have sex with her. Likewise, just because porn exists doesn’t mean he should view it. If you really wanted to salvage your marriage, you wouldn’t be writing an abstract letter to pornography itself; you’d be sitting and talking with your husband and seeing a counselor. I’m not saying porn is a good thing, I’m just saying that all the letters and support groups in the world won’t fix your marriage. You and your husband will fix your marriage. Likewise, I’d like to bring up a point about your view on porn. In this letter you singularly talk about men, as if they are the only perpetrators of this sin. They are not, and one of your prime examples (Fifty Shades of Grey) was specifically aimed towards women, as are many others. I just wanted to point that out.

    Wishing the best for your marriage,
    Somebody

    • Shannon

      A person or wife can only do so much! This is foolishness for you to say this. My husband and I have gone through years and years of counseling from 2007-2015. He still chose this. Yes I understand one can not say it is 100% the fault of porn (people have to take responsibility for their actions) however it is foolish to say that it is the wife’s fault.

      • Hoek

        If the wife isnt pleasing her man what other choice does the man have? dont try and understand the male brain like it is yours, that is selfish, try and understand men need a release and if you are not helping with that they will be tempted by other means, again this is how men are, its how they are wired, you may think your guy isnt this way but some can hold out longer then others and some hide it better. Yes it is not entirely the womens fault but they have contributed to it in a rather big way. God created men like this and as society has changed it has given women an ego that makes them feel they are always correct in what they say and never guilty of anything, continue on this path and it will only lead you on a negative journey, i guarantee it. You would be surprised how many men i speak to about this, women not understanding and demanding their way is correct, in my parish, it really effects the male mind in a negative way, women are being tested by God right now and tempted by evil, make the right decisions in this time of judgement.

        • AJ

          Hoek,

          I 100% disagree with your arguement, and I’ll explain why.

          If you read the entire letter you saw that this woman’s husband was introduced to pornography at age 12. As a married man who was also introduced to that garbage at age 12, I can tell you from personal experience that it is an addiction that, in the long run, has nothing to do with whether or not a woman “pleases her man”. An active, enjoyable sex life provides, at most, a temporary respite from a pornography addiction.

          My wife and I have had and continue to have a mutually fulfilling sex life. Even so, I am saddened to admit that I have succumbed to the temptation to view pornography. I can tell you with absolute certainty that it is not, I repeat, NOT my wife’s fault! Acting on this addiction has a multitude of different triggers. I am aware of mine and have to keep constantly vigilant to avoid them. (As a side note, I am currently 11 months sober.)

          I hope that you recognize that your comments place an unfair and undeserved burden on innocent victims of this insidious problem.

          • Hoek

            So you have issues and feel that everyone is like yourself? im not saying every situation is the wifes fault at all, but if this is happening it is worth looking at as a possible cause, but people like yourself have other issues and should seek a mental health expert or continue working on it, dont assume everyone is like you, especially when you have such a problem.

        • Kelly Watkins

          Hoek you are making so many assumptions about this woman’s relationship with her husband that you have no idea about.
          Also, to say that it is acceptable for a man to use another woman or porn as a form of pleasure if the woman isn’t giving her man pleasure is unbiblical. First of all, it violates the “do not commit adultery” command. Jesus said to not even look with lust at another woman! Porn violates this. Secondly, husbands are told to love their wives like Christ loved the church…”and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” Ephesians 5:25-27
          You keep telling other commentors that they are too focused on the sin and they aren’t understanding. While it is important to understand the drive for a particular sin and to be understanding in general, God never excused our sin because we are “wired that way”. He understands how we are made and that we fail all the time on our own strength, so He sent Christ to be our atonement. However, he never excuses us from repentance.
          And while you are telling others they don’t understand the male brain, you are breaking your own rules of conduct. You fail to understand these peoples’ experiences, marriages, fears, hurts, “wirings”, etc. They called you a troll because you wrote like a troll. You insulted, demeaned and belittled the wife’s hurt from a husband who watches porn and you were an advocate for pornography on an anti-pornography website. You also personally attacked that one commentor and told her that if she wasn’t so uptight and watched pornography with her husband then he wouldn’t have a “need” for pornography.Extremely inappropriate and uncalled for, and hateful! So hateful! You have no idea what that woman has gone through or what kind of fears and insecurities you could have tapped into with your senseless comments! That is also why that other comment or rebuked you for being a child of the devil. You bore bad fruit on this forum and you were called out for it. Please take this to heart. If you are a child of God, bought by Christ’s precious blood. We are family. We need to have each other’s backs.

          • Hoek

            I never stated that the women IS doing this, i did say if she isnt pleasing him this may be why, i never accused anyone of anything, just told of a scenario and if it applies to her so be it. The rest of your comment is irrelevant and a rant because you dislike what ive said and misread it.

          • Kelly Watkins

            “Maybe if this woman wasnt so uptight and watch some porn with him while making love this wouldnt be a problem, but nah, like many women she feels she is right and he is wrong and is trying to make him feel guilty for doing something natural, no wonder he is turning to porn. Thats the issue here imo, if she was pleasing her man he wouldnt be resorting to porn…”

            “I feel this lady has no one to blame but herself unfortunately, shes obviously not making her partner happy and is treating porn like its competition when in reality its something they can both use to help each other.”

            These are some of your comments.

            The definition of “accuse”: “to find fault with; to blame.

          • Hoek

            Fair enough, you took some things wrong. First i said she was uptight, you can tell this from the article. Second i stated imo, i didnt state it as fact, it was an opinion not an assumption or accusation. The last one is stating how she is treating it like competition which she is and its obvious from the article, i also stated it was how i feel about it, not how it is, again it was opinion. I never stated any of those things you mentioned as fact just opinions to base my opinion on why i feel this happens basically from experience i have in these fields. Now the same can be said about anyone with opposing views can it not? many giving the assumption about the man? there are some terrible comments here assuming the man is this and that, i just tried to bring some balance to the table, but like i stated in another reply “like many women she feels she is right and he is wrong”. You all seem to be attacking the man, i bring some balance as to what MAY be the cause based on my opinion and got attacked by a bunch of women, oh and one guy who has issues. So now we have you who comes along, doesnt like what she sees and does what? goes compeletely off topic and cant stick to the discussion at hand, instead just trying to make me feel i am wrong in my opinions and you are right in yours. Its like you want the focus away from what we are discussing? No one likes the situation these two are in, but how do we solve this when all you want is it to be your way and not take in ideas of others? so maybe these broken relationships can discuss or solve the issue? or would you rather just stick with one solution, dump him because he is ungodly. Think about it, you catch your man watching some porn, this makes you angry and your first reaction is im not pleasing him anymore, what do you think will happen? its common sense. BTW i think you need to learn the difference between giving an opinion and assumptions.

  • Jeffrey

    Jennifer,

    I am a man and I understand exactly what you mean. I know some have labeled you as crazy or judged you for this letter. Yes there are probably a lot of things you and your husband could have done differently and, given the chance, you probably would. Don’t listen to the negative notes, learn from them and focus on the desired outcome. I will be praying that your family is relieved of this burden, as Christ is the only one that can set us free from the chains of sin!

  • Karen Thomas

    Oh, Jennifer, my heart! You have touched something in me that has been wounded for so long and gave it words so it can rise to the surface in the tears that flow and the cries that emanate from my soul! I pray for your heart as I pray for mine and I will never stop praying for my husband even though we are now apart. The devil slithered his way into our lives and left a gaping wound in our self esteem and our covenent. I wish I knew you. I wish I could give you a hug. Hold you tight and tell you that your pain is shared by so many. I am so sorry for what you have gone through and I hope you can overcome the pain and sorrow. I know I have tried for years and am still on a journey of incredible grief. The theif comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come they you may have life, and have it in abundance! Please don’t give up hope. Forever in my prayers, Karen

  • Karen Thomas

    Oh, Jennifer, my heart! You have touched something in me that has been wounded for so long and gave it words so it can rise to the surface in the tears that flow and the cries that emanate from my soul! I pray for your heart as I pray for mine and I will never stop praying for my husband even though we are now apart. The devil slithered his way into our lives and left a gaping wound in our self esteem and our covenent. I wish I knew you. I wish I could give you a hug. Hold you tight and tell you that your pain is shared by so many. I am so sorry for what you have gone through and I hope you can overcome the pain and sorrow. I know I have tried for years and am still on a journey of incredible grief. The theif comes only to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come they you may have life, and have it in abundance! Please don’t give up hope. Forever in my prayers, Karen

  • Shel

    I can not believe this article . Or the comments . The man is not innocent ! Nor is he a victim !! Oh please . He made a choice . It is not “porn’s” fault . Nor is it the wife’s fault fur not meeting his needs . Stop perpetuating this lie that he can’t help it. YES HE CAN . He just doesn’t want to stop because people like you give him this out . This is laughable . Grow up , men . Take responsibility for your own self .

  • Mohammed

    Why don’t you pray for god to blow up porn with lighting

  • Ben

    Obviously you’ve never had the misfortune of being addicted to pornography. Pornography catches you when you’re young and it’s hard as hell to get away from it and get free from it when you’re older. Save me your BS about it’s a choice only. Yes it’s choice but when you’re young and naive and trying to figure out what the heck your body is doing it is easy to get addicted. Easy, especially when you don’t have any supervision or nobody cares. Because in some houses it’s not easy to talk about it, and the church will not preach on it. Your entire reply proves how ignorant you are about the issue. It shows your lack of knowledge about the subject. Save your breath about all this, we have a choice to quit and we just don’t want to stuff. Because when you’re young and vulnerable and alone, it snatches you and is very hard to get away from it. And we feel alone and even more vulnerable because of judgmental, arrogant, and selfish close hearted people like you. And by the, way I know this for a fact because I have struggled with a porn addiction since I was 14 years old, and I am 46. We do want to quit, but fight hard and lose sometimes more than we win. We desire a normal life, but without help or support from people, we are alone, especially when we have people like you condemning us. You know nothing about this, so please keep you fingers off the reply button. And until you know what you talking about keep your mouth shut. Because your whole entire line of bull offends me!

  • Ben

    Shell, obviously you don’t know anything about what you talking about her you wouldn’t blow your mouth off like that. Pornography catches you when you’re young and it doesn’t let go. so until you know what you talking about keep your mouth shut and your finger off reply button, because you obviously are proving you know nothing about this subject. We struggle like mad and we still lose. We struggle to not given and we do find help the best we can. But with judgemental legalistic and obnoxious people like you we get condemned. instead we need love prayer and support the most. So please save your breath and don’t reply until you know what the hell you’re talking about. And by the way I know what I’m talking about because I’ve struggled since I was 14 and I’m 46 now. So I know more than you and you know nothing.

Thanks, you're signed up!


We will be sending your first email shortly.

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your 1st email from us as NOT SPAM


PS. If you don't get your 1st email in the next 5 minutes check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×

Thanks, you're signed up!


Thanks for registering for the 30 Day Challenge!

We will be sending you an email shortly.

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your email from us as NOT SPAM


PS. If you don't get your email in the next few hours check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×
You really want to exit? ×

Latest Blog Posts


×