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4 Things Married Men Should Never Do

by Craig Gross on October 9th, 2017 in Favorites, Men, Couples, Spouses

marriedmen2So, you’re a married men. Congratulations! Being married can be awesome and liberating. You get to spend the rest of your life with your best friend and someone who complements you completely – it’s tremendous.

The thing about marriage is that it actually provides a framework for you to thrive and flourish, to become your true self rather than someone who is just angling for another score.

But even though marriage is a time for you to feel free, there are a few things that married men should never do. Here are four of them.

1) Get emotionally vulnerable with a member of the opposite sex

Whether you’re unburdening yourself or whether they’re pouring out their heart to you, this is just a bad idea. Look, we all want to be the person who is kind and loving and who is “there” for those in need. And that’s a great person to be!

Just don’t be that person for a member of the opposite sex. Especially if it’s just the two of you.

Look, we’re not afraid of a man being friends or even being close with a woman that he’s not married to. But we also understand the realities of the way the human heart works, and we know that emotional vulnerability can wind up leading either – or both – of you to places you shouldn’t be going.

Someone else can be there for them. Or there for you. It’s not worth it.

2) Keep score

Hey, you want to know a great way to kill intimacy with your wife? Try keeping score!

When you get into a heated conversation (i.e. argument), don’t try to find resolution – just try to win. When your wife asks you to do something for her, remember it so you can use it later to force her to do something for you.

Oh, and when it comes to sex, definitely keep track of who initiates and when and then take it personally.

x3-fighting-for-my-marriage-facebook-10Of course we’re being sarcastic here. Keeping score is great when you’re playing actual games, but a terrible thing to do in marriage. You and your spouse are in this together, meaning you either both win or you both lose. Grow up.

3) Try to fix your wife

The great thing about your wife is that she is a wonderful puzzle of occasional contradictions who sometimes just needs to think out loud.

And at the risk of generalizing, we’re going to say that when she does think out loud, she’s not really looking for answers so much as a confidant and someone to back up the way she feels about something.

She probably doesn’t really want you to fix her situation, and she definitely doesn’t want you to fix her.

She wants an advocate.

You aren’t responsible for your wife’s emotions or actions. You know who is? She is. Let her be. Listen, be kind, back her up, and let her vent.

4) Stop doing the little things

You know how when you were dating you did all kinds of cool, fun, romantic little things? And you know how that made her feel?

Yeah, you should keep doing that stuff.

You probably already know this, because it’s in, like, every marriage book, blog, video course, conference, and getaway weekend. But there’s a reason for that: because it’s true.

You have to keep doing that stuff to let your wife know you still cherish her and respect her and have a desperate desire to continue surprising her, even after all these years.

And now it’s your turn, married guys. We’ve given you some ideas – take them as a springboard and start thinking of what you shouldn’t do as a married man, as well as all the many, many things that you can do. Get started. Live free.



  • Brittany Havens

    Why is the last thing titled ‘Stop doing the little things’, when you say, Yeah, you should keep doing those?

    • Maurice Crane

      4 Things Married Men Shoulld NEVER do.

      • Brittany Havens

        That makes sense

  • Sean

    “Don’t get emotionally vulnerable with the opposite sex” must be an awful thing to hear if you’re bisexual. I understand wanting to be careful when having heart-to-heart conversations with someone you’re attracted to, but when you’re attracted to both genders, it sounds like that kind of advice restricts who you “can” become close to. Maybe realizing that not every friendship needs to lead to sex is more important than limiting intimate friendships to people you aren’t at all attracted to.

    • KINGZ tv

      God never made anyone bisexual

    • David Trainer Read

      Understand that those who consider themselves different sexually- that this was never designed for them. Yes it exists and no not everyone understands how to address these issues properly. After all people are people regardless of sexual orientation but the delivery when dealing with sexual orientation is crucial if people want to represent Christ accurately.

  • mccallister

    Brittany – I think it’s because the post is about 4 things NOT to do. I got a little twisted around by that too. So “stop doing the little things” is something we should NOT do, which means we should keep doing the little things.

    • David Trainer Read

      Yeah that messed me up too.

  • mccallister

    Sean — sorry about the confusion, but the point of the article is that when people open their hearts up to someone they could potentially become attracted to, they often do end up going there. It may be several months later, but it happens. My brother did it, and now he’s divorced because of it. Not good at all. As for “bisexuality,” a man in that situation just needs to talk to heterosexual men when it comes to deep pouring out of emotions, and he has nothing to worry about. A woman, likewise a woman…

    • Marrco

      Becoming emotionally vulnerable and pouring out emotions to anyone we are potentially attracted to can become an accident-waiting-to-happen. Sharing openly with someone we’re attracted to (or vice versa–someone sharing with us) can also be a subconscious manipulative attempt to start a level of relationship that is unhealthy and potentially headed to an emotional enmeshment, or more dangerous, headed to the bedroom. Unfortunately, I’ve done both, and have learned the hard way that when I’m hurting, there are emotionally sober and healthy people with good boundaries in which to share. The phone number of a good therapist or support group might help.

    • David Trainer Read

      Yeah it happened with my uncle- twice. Love him but not what he did.

  • Alexander López

    I have the need to say this out loud: this list should be also sent to women. After all, they can also get emotionally vulnerable with other men, they can “keep score”, they can try to fix their husbands, and they can also forget to do those little things that show their men how much they love him. Two can play that game as well.

    • michelle


  • David Trainer Read

    Being cold, calculated and treating nothing as personal has really helped open the doors for when I talk to others but I never get opportunities to talk to women. Frustrating and it really adds to the depression that I deal with that i go through daily.

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