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30 DAY PORN FREE CHALLENGE

30 DAYS OF ADVICE TO HELP YOU STAY PORN FREE

 

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4 Ways Porn Will Ruin Your Sex Life

by Shellie R. Warren on June 26th, 2018 in Favorites, Men, Women, Couples

4-ways-porn-ruin-sex-lifeA couple of years ago, Huffington Post published an article with this title: “5 Reasons Why Watching Porn Together Can Be Good For Your Relationship.” Their reasons?

1. It is a shared experience.

2. It’s an easy way to learn about your partner’s fantasies.

3. It can speed up foreplay.

4. It shatters the myth that you can (and should) only be attracted to your mate.

5. It may lessen the need to act out on sexual desires outside of your relationship.

Okay, so in other words, porn can make you lazy, selfish, a poor communicator, and provide a Band-Aid on issues that may be going on within the relationship.

Yeah, I actually can get with all of that. Only, how is that helping your relationship? Or your sex life for that matter?

As a marriage life coach, I’ve never met one couple where porn has helped the relationship. Only hurt. Here’s why (and how):

1) Porn totally bucks the purpose of sex. Recently, I was having lunch with a male friend who admits that he watches porn more than he would like. He’s in his late 30s and a church goer. So, it was…something when I asked him what he thought the purpose of sex was. He shrugged and said “procreation?” as if it was a question more than a statement.

We really have to do better. Procreation is a purpose for sex, yes (Genesis 1:26-28, Malachi 2:15); however, oneness is the first and main one (Genesis 2:24-25). And oneness does not only involve our bodies, but our minds and spirits too.

Only two committed people—mind, body and spirit—should be engaging in sex. Porn makes that super-challenging at best.

2) Porn will infect your spirit. Over the years, I have shared one of my favorite verses as it appears in the Message translation. It starts out like this: “Sex is as much a spiritual mystery as it is a physical fact.” (I Corinthians 6:16) Powerful!

If sex was only about getting a physical release, perhaps (PERHAPS) porn wouldn’t be such a big deal. But sex is so much more than that. Being that God is Spirit, God made sex, and the Bible tells us that any form of lust is not God’s cup of tea (to say the least—I John 2:16), we have to keep in mind that sex is a spiritual act, and while orgasms are wonderful benefits, they should not be the sole agenda.

Establishing a spiritual connection is what’s extremely important. Porn is lust-based. It couldn’t care less about your spirit. Well, other than desiring to infect it rather than positively affect it.

3) Porn brings more into your bed than you bargained for. One of the “best” (for lack of a better word) things I’ve heard from a married couple struggling with porn actually came from the wife (yes, many wives also battle with porn). Her words: “Sometimes we’ll have as many as 15 people in our bed.”

No, they were not swingers; she was actually referring to all the images that would creep into their minds while they were having sex with each other. Look, there’s a big difference between having sex with one another vs. at one another.

Your spouse is not some upscale sex doll to hump on. They are someone to share beautiful sexual experiences with. They deserve your undivided attention. It’s hard for them to get that if you’re focused on the folks you’ve seen while watching porn.

4) Porn can make you feel naked and ashamed. A husband and wife are actually supposed to feel “naked and unashamed” when having sex with one another. But when you’ve spent hours looking at fake breasts, steroid-charged abs, and edited videos that make you think that folks can go non-stop for hours on end, it can do a real number on your self-esteem.

Then, rather than feeling totally free with your spouse in the bedroom, you start to feel self-conscious about your body and sharing it with them. Yeah, porn is the worst. There’s nothing to feel ashamed about if sex is about love, sharing, and intimacy. Yet porn can make it seem so much more of a “visual act” than a sacred experience. And when that is the case, you can be well on your way to ultimately ruining your sex life. (Please don’t!)

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  • Anonymous

    Thanks for all you do by providing advice, research, Biblical doctrine, etc. . .

    Regarding number 4, Porn can make you feel naked and ashamed, I have trouble being free and confident like I used to be since after discovering my husband viewing inappropriate pics and porn. Not because I have images from inappropriate stuff but because of the battle I face wondering what he’s thinking and if I’m good enough. Strangely and thankfully my husband affirms me all the time. Thankfully through much prayer, fasting, warfare, and by the power of God has set him free and gives him the strength to overcome temptation and have a strong desire to keep our marriage pure. But meanwhile, I struggle to be free and careless as I used to be. He’s understanding of my feelings and overwhelmed with compassion considering how much he hurt me. I guess the million dollar question is, how can a wife overcome feelings of being ashamed and naked after being wounded by their spouse by hiding pornography? I want to be confident and carefree not wondering if his thoughts are pure or if I’m good enough. My best answer for myself would be prayer, rebuilding of trust, and allowing time to heal. But I’m curious as to what XXXChurch has to say.

  • Josh Chaney

    The only thing I would add to number 1 is “married and committed” :-). Awesome and accurate read.

  • Alice Taylor

    Oh, I love this article! Thanks for your wise and sassy words, Shellie! It made me giggle, and it made me think deeply! You’re spot on with this.

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