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30 DAYS OF ADVICE TO HELP YOU STAY PORN FREE

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5 Steps That Helped Me Overcome Pornography

by Perry Noble on June 27th, 2014 in Men, Featured

5 Steps That Helped Me Overcome Pornography-blogPornography isn’t that big of a deal….that’s what I used to think.

How I Got Addicted to Porn

When I was 14 years old, my dad and I bought one of the first satellite dishes. It gave me access to hundreds of channels including pornography nearly any time I wanted to see it.

We didn’t keep the satellite dish forever—but it began my addiction. All throughout high school I purchased magazines and developed a very unrealistic view of sex and an extremely unhealthy view of women. I didn’t see anything wrong with what I was doing.

I Wanted Out…

That all changed in May of 1990 when I accepted Christ…and my life was changed. I knew porn was wrong and not what God wanted for me, but I had sown the seeds of a porn addiction into my life for over five years. I wanted the desire to look at porn to go away overnight…but it didn’t.

In fact, I struggled with it for the next 10 years. Porn was my “secret sin” no one knew about. (Tweet This!) The struggle was real and emotionally and spiritually intense. I doubted my salvation, I almost walked away from the ministry, I thought that God hated me…I just could not get control of the addiction.

When The Internet Happened

In 1996 I was introduced to the Internet…and that’s when things almost spiraled out of control. It wasn’t a big deal at first…I was just going to “research and see” what was out there so I could be a “more effective minister.”

I lived a roller-coaster life with my porn addiction. I would do really good for a while, even going months without looking at porn…and then BAM…I would surf the Internet for several days in a row, yielding to the lure of the enemy’s voice.

Finally in March of 2000, I decided I was done and going to get free from this addiction. I was getting married in April of that year and I knew a pornography addiction would destroy my marriage.

I can honestly say for the past 14 years I’ve been free of my porn addiction and I thank God who has provided me the strength.

I know I am not alone in this struggle and the good news is you can be free from it too.

Here are 5 steps that helped me overcome this addiction and that I still follow today.

1 – Ask for accountability 
I am not talking about finding someone who has the same problem as you and you both confessing that you “messed up” that week and then feeling OK because you were not the only one to sin. I am challenging you to find someone who does not struggle with the problem…and ask them to get in your face. One of my best friends, Clayton King, and I made a pact: If he or I view porn, we have to write the other person a check for $1,000. It might not work for you—but there have been times I have been tempted & thought about my checkbook!!!

2 – Get away from the web
This is tough for an Internet junkie…but it is SO important. Jesus said if your right eye causes you to sin then gouge it out…so I don’t think it is a stretch to say if your computer causes you to sin then get rid of it. I had to take this step…for about five years I did not have the Internet in my house because I did not trust myself. This may be the first step you need to take.

3 – Do not travel alone
Men, under no circumstances should you travel alone if you are struggling with porn, especially if you are in the ministry. Temptation is real so having accountability with you when you’re traveling is such a big deal.

4 – Tell your wife 
She has a right to know…and she can pray for you in powerful ways. I told Lucretia about my struggles before we were married…and she still prays for me and holds me accountable today. This will hurt her…and it will put a strain on things…but if she finds out in some other way — and she will — then not only does she feel like you cheated on her but she feels lied to as well.

5 – Ask God to help you to develop a healthy view of women 
When I realized, “That woman is some man’s daughter…and when I have a little girl I don’t want other men viewing her in a lustful way!” I have to admit—this one really impacted me. I have a daughter and I want her to be treated with respect and not as an object for someone’s self-gratification!

I have been there—I have struggled—and I have overcome it (Tweet This!)…and the same Jesus who lives inside of me lives inside of you.

You don’t have to live with this addiction. If you need help you can start here or feel free to contact me at [email protected].


Accountability was key for Perry’s victory over his addiction. Want to know more about accountability? Sign Up for a bunch of free information on accountability including 3 free videos and a free Echapter. 

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  • Anonymous

    I am wonderfully encouraged by your post, Perry. In today’s world, both men AND women struggle with pornography. That being said, I have a question about the accountability software offered on this site. I have a friend who struggles with porn, and offered to be her accountability partner. The first question she asked was: “Will it let you see what I view in a private window?” I know Pastor P used the software for a time (he mentions it on his blog) and am hoping it will help my friend whose job literally requires internet access. If anyone here can answer this, I would be appreciative.

    Thank you, Pastor Perry, for sharing your struggle and your heart with all of us. Lives are being changed and chains are being broken because you are willing to be open about your own struggles.

    • Thanks for the question. I’m assuming you mean if they browse in incognito mode?

      I believe Watch still works even in private or incognito mode. You may want to hit up Watch support at http://support.x3watch.com/home.

      They have a chat support option which is great.

    • Anonymous

      We have a man at our church who designed a wonderful program called safe eyes. I know a lot if the pastors use this software.

      • Adam R

        Tried safe eyes. Ok when it works. Yes, it blocks a lot of non porn websites also, which is a pain but not the worst of it.

        It also blocks the whole internet on a regular basis and even the administrator isnt able to override it with passwords/settings.

        It does this on mmultiple computers, and for multiple people, and as a computer technician, its not for lack of knowledge either.

  • Tim Kunkel

    Perry, GOD BLESS YOU. U DA MAN! Thanks for being REAL! Missionary Tim Kunkel, Paraguay

  • gary j

    Great article Perry! Thank you for sharing it. You are not alone in this battle. I’ve had my own experiences with this subject, and no it is not an easy one to kick. My addiction to alcohol, cigarettes and drugs were a challenge at times to defeat, but they were easier than my addiction to porn to defeat. up until your post and another person’s post on the subject and what you guys faced in your own struggles in this terrible addiction, and your openness about your struggles will make it easier for me, and others who are also struggling with the same thing, to deal with.

  • Shawn Tucker

    Can I add that therapy with a carefully selected therapist can also be very, very helpful. Some people turn to pornography as a means to self-sooth. Such people, with good help, can be helped to think about deep needs that porn satisfies (in an ultimately unsatisfactory way). In addition, some have said that no one gets out of porn addition alone. In that respect, drawing strength from Jesus and other trusted individuals can be very valuable. Porn addiction thrives on shame, so anything one can do to eradicate the shame can be very helpful. Finally, one should be very, very careful in talking to one’s spouse. What may seem like honesty or confession can be very damaging. A carefully chosen therapist and/or church advisor can help one think about this carefully so that one talks with a spouse in the most appropriate and loving manner possible, and a manner with the best chance of getting a good result for everyone.

  • Dario Bridges

    Pastor P is amazing. Letting everyone know your struggle and that you’re not perfect. That’s a real man. Congratulations on overcoming your addiction.

  • Delilaih Taylor

    Preacher perry this is why I started your church you are down to earth and reL with life’s issues you get real God bless you

  • Delilaih Taylor

    My addiction is caffeine. Not porn. But anything can be a addiction

  • anonymous

    Women struggle with porn addictions too… any advice specifically for them?

    • We have resources for women who struggle with porn too. Have you checked out X3groups.com? We have support groups just for women dealing with porn & sex addiction.

    • nojo2207

      I think that the specific reasons might differ from woman to men but I think the process of recovery is the same. My advice – as addict myself – is to join a community of believers that are working a system of recovery. I recommend celebrate recovery. I think true recovery can not happen when you recovery process involves a screen name. All strugglers need eye to eye contact in order to repair their intimacy problems. Second don’t over spiritualize the problem.

  • Ty

    Is video tapping you and wife and then viewing at your own pleasure the same as watching porn???

    • Wow … Great & interesting question. There is a ton of disagreement surrounding questions like this. I would just tell you this … You are designed to enjoy your wife and her you. Things outside of that design are not good. The question for you is this … If you watch a video of you both are you enjoying your wife?

    • Michelle Haislip

      This is a tough one that may actually have a different answer for different people. There are a couple of things you need to consider. Do you ever use the video to escape the reality of your wife or marriage? Does your wife know the full extent of your use of the video? And if you have an overall addiction to pictures or videos as opposed to real-life interaction, I would say it’s a bad idea.

  • Justin

    I am so ashamed of myself. I should have told my fiancée I had this problem a long time ago. she could have helped me. but I thought I could get rid of it myself. I could not. she found out and it really hurt her. what’s worse is that she knew before and I told her I had stopped. I lied. I lied to her because I thought I could stop. I hurt her so much. if anyone else were to hurt her I would want to kill them. so this just makes me want to die. but I am proud to say that I am getting help now. I am seeing a therapist and I am on this page from a web filtering browser. I can do this. I will control this.

  • Bishop Asuquo

    addictions…that is what they are. our own thoughts can hold us prisoners. But the truth sets free. Thetruth sets free. When a friend of mine shared this truth, “Whoever drinks of this Water will never thirst again”, not only did I scream for joy but also began to long for that water that quenches every other thirst. I was like is Jesus for real or is He making this up? Ever since then my heart has been longing, thirsting, hungering or that water that ONLY He can give. Longing to live and bide in His presence more, dipping into His word and desirng fellowship with Him…He is the fountain…No cistern will do.

  • Jody Dawson Pardue

    Perry I love you as my Paster

  • Theospeak1

    Awesome, thank you so much for speaking out. There is grace and forgiveness. Never easy to overcome a giant, and we’re made for war; we were made to face and conquer these things. God’s blessings over you and your church.

  • Hopefull

    My husband has had classic symptoms of porn addiction for years.
    I am fairly certain it started when he was a young teen or perhaps earlier; as his uncle had alot of playboy magazines laying around when he was a kid…

    Since ’09 he started traveling for his job, I know this has increased his problem so this has been a real concern. We were separated during most of 2012 for his anger issues, and when we got back together his sexuality changed drastically. He was far more experienced and used inappropriate words when we were intimate. He completely denied an affair so I linked it to porn. I have asked him on several occasions and he denies he has any problems, but won’t let me see any of his computers when I ask and says i have trust issues. There are too many symptoms to list, but the biggest of all of them his consumer mentality with everyone and my daughter and I being treated as if we are objects.
    This has been going on for 16 years and I am weary to say the least!
    He needs accountability– BUT HOW?
    I would really like some suggestions as to what can help him out of this prison, because I know the doors aren’t locked tight ~Isaiah 61:1~

    • nojo2207

      Sometimes an addict has to have the bottom brought to him. Nagging him will not change him. You are part of the addictive cycle and in order for that change you probably will have to do some things. 1) you need recovery yourself. 2) you have to establish healthy and firm boundaries with your husband and stick to them. Breaking boundaries has consequences – so enforce them.

  • nojo2207

    While I am glad that the blogger overcame his problem I think his advice missed some important issues. First accountability isn’t enough. He didn’t write about working a system of recovery. Often “accountability” is code for spiritualizing the problem. A system or program for recovery (and I am not talking about online forums and groups because those perpetuates the addict to continue living in the shadows) helps build authentic intimate relationships with real human beings. At the core a porno problem is about false intimacy. A program or system of recovery forces us to step out of the shadows and into the light. I think for this blogger he had a bad habit of looking at porn but didn’t have a true compulsion. If he had a real problem he would have mentioned the progressive nature of his porno problem as well as the destructive force in having true intimate (by which I mean emotionally connective) relationships (especially with the opposite sex). Getting married usually exasperated the problem because a marriage relationship opens deeper the intimacy vacuum in the heart, and men with porno problems just don’t suddenly become able to be authentic emotionally and become in touch with their emotional selves. Just doesn’t happen. Finally, willing yourself to be better won’t make you sober – a true porno problem is a compulsive effort to achieve intimacy – and you can’t will, pray, confess, beat yourself up enough to fix the problem. It takes the Biblical path of confession, community (I.e. Building authentic intimate relationships) and spiritual discipline to overcome the problem. I think that is the real issue I have with this bloggers advice – he leaves out the importance of community (by community a mean a system of recovery that involves real life people). I remember at the height of my addiction I would read over simplistic advice and believe the magical thinking behind it. At some point in time the addict has to make the decision to turn off the computer (or phone) and step into community.

  • CSL

    Good points all, but how can I start to do them?
    Porn is my secret sin. My work requires me to be on the net. I love my wife very much and she loves me. She simply does not understand why “at our age” I or anyone else should be afflicted with sexual urges. As much as she loves me, I know that if I confessed to her, she would leave me. We are in a Christian ministry where the evidence of our helping people to better lives and closer relationships with God are evidence. But I live in a goldfish bowl. For me, sexuality is a terrible curse. I wish I could just be my wife’s good friend and not desire anything more from her or desire that cheap substitution of porn. I am trapped and feel doomed.

    • JT

      You are not doomed. You need someone to get real with, another man who will love you through it. Yes, you will need to open up to your wife, but start by getting the accountability you need. At least if you are taking real steps to get help, she will see that you love your marriage enough to fight for it. You may end up needing to get some counseling with her so that you guys can work on the things that you don’t see eye to eye on. After my addiction almost killed my marriage, my wife and I have come out the other side stronger. We still go to counseling because we still want to make our marriage better – it shouldn’t have the stigma it carries, we think everyone would benefit from what we’ve experienced with our counselor.

  • A

    I feel like these articles are always directed at men. I know you are discussing steps you used as a man, but when you begin speaking to your audience why not be gender neutral. All of these steps are basically the same for women. Also I haven’t found a software yet that works when you pull up a private window. I really did like the advice to offer writing a $1000 check if you slip. I think that may work for me lol

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