user avatar

50 Shades of Grey – Why Sex Is A Spiritual Experience

by Shellie R. Warren on February 11th, 2015 in Men, Women, Couples, Spouses

Why Sex is a Spiritual Experience-blogpost“Sex is the closest that many people will ever come to a spiritual experience. Indeed, it is because it is a spiritual experience of sorts that so many chase after it with a repetitive, desperate kind of abandon. Often, whether they know it or not, they are searching for God.”—M. Scott Peck

A Scripture that I have quoted many times over the years is I Corinthians 6:16-20, the Message version:

“There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, ‘The two become one.’ Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never ‘become one.’

There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for ‘becoming one’ with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit?

Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.”

Sex is not just about two (or more) bodies getting a sexual release from/with one another. (Read my last post on how 50 Shades of Grey relates to the body.)

Sex brings about spiritual mysteries as well as physical facts.

And when sex avoids commitment and intimacy, it tends to leave us lonely. (Tweet This!)

It keeps us from fully knowing what “becoming one” is really all about.

That’s not what the world says. Of course not.

That is what the Bible says, though.

Maybe I missed it in the middle of skimming articles about 50 Shades of Grey, but I don’t recall a Bible being inside of Christian Grey’s Red Room (or outside of it, for that matter). However, there’s no way I can address this topic without talking about the spiritual side of it. Or the lack thereof.

I find it quite poetic that the leading male character’s name is “Christian Grey” and that one of the quotes used in the trailer is “Love is not black and white.”

Um, yes it is. Biblically speaking, anyway.

I Corinthians 13:4-8, the Love Chapter, tells us exact what and how love is. Kind is the second adjective. Some definitions of kind are gentle, considerate and tender. How many people are able to say that their relationship is filled to the brim with kindness—both in and out of the bedroom.

I John 1:5 tells us exactly how God is as well: “God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.”

He’s crystal clear. There’s no darkness, no “shadiness.”

And yet, aren’t a lot of us like Christian Grey? One way or another? (Tweet This!)

Christians, yet “grey” on so many issues that we shouldn’t be?

There are going to be a lot (and I mean, a lot) of people who will be flocking to see 50 Shades. Personally, I can’t help but wonder what they’ll be looking for on the screen. You can just peep the trailer and know that Mr. Grey has some, let’s just say “deep issues.” And as I said in the previous installment, I find it pretty tragic that Anastasia gives him her virginity. More than anything because of what the Bible says about the purpose of sex (celebrating the love between a husband and wife) and how we are to see our bodies (sacred).

I get that many individuals will simply say, “Shellie, what’s the big deal? It’s just a movie.” But I don’t know. Is it? When you think of the fact that we are not only physical beings, but spiritual ones too and you look at the word “spirit” from the angle of being our “life,” our “essence,” and our “nature,” then when we decide to invest our money and two hours (give or take) of our time to watch the R-rated version of BDSM porn, what good is that doing for our life, our essence and our very nature? How is it helping us spiritually? And if spiritually it’s not good, what is it ultimately doing for/to us sexually?

For the married people who may get down like that: am I saying it’s wrong?

Eh. Life has taught me that you can get to the bottom line of a lot of things in life if you’re honest about your motives (Proverbs 17:20, 21:2,8-Message). Only you know what those are.

But what I am saying is that John 4:24 tells us that “God is Spirit” and so there’s no way that he was going to invent something like sex and want it to be void of spirituality. Therefore whatever we decide to do with our mates – our lives and their lives, our essence and their essence, our nature and their nature – should ever remain on the forefront of our minds.

Based on what I’ve read and researched about 50 Shades of Grey, spirituality in the story is an afterthought at best. But again, if y’all have some other perspectives, I’d certainly like to hear them.

In the meantime, you know, I have always liked M. Scott Peck’s quote on sex. That in his mind, sex is the epitome of a spiritual experience while at the same time, a lot of people do not realize that chasing after sex is really about longing to be in a closer relationship with the Creator of it.

Hmph. Based on the numbers that 50 Shades is projected to have its opening weekend, perhaps that’s the silver lining to all of this. It shows those of us devote our lives to working in the field of helping people with sexual challenges/struggles/strongholds that we really are on to something. That millions and millions of people need to be reminded of the fact that they don’t have to chase after erotica or porn or sexual fetishes to make themselves feel complete.

They just need to put the Spirit and their spirit first; everything else will work itself out.

For their good. The good of their mind, body and spirit.

Yes, in and out of the bedroom.

That kind of truth really is black and white.

No grey.


Check out the this episode of Craig’s Car Ride when Craig speak to Shellie in depth about her thoughts and views regarding the book and movie 50 Shades of Grey.

Best Sex 


Are you looking to spice up your marriage but in a way that’s healthy and helpful? In a way that’s spiritual? Want to boost to your romance levels? Learn some ways you can increase the romance and start having the best sex ever with the Best Sex Life Now video workshop.






  • Hannah Stokes Horton

    I read the first book when I wasn’t concerned whether it was right for a Christian to read or not. Now I know it isn’t appropriate… But even then I concluded the book thinking that not only is it clearly an unhealthy relationship but abusive as well mentally and physically. Marriage or any relationship isn’t about control. There has to be respect and trust from both sides. As much as the female character was mesmerized but Christian grey she also had a healthy dose of fear. No one, whatever your beliefs, should be in a relationship like that in my opinion.

  • Missy

    Although I’m a virgin by choice, I spent a year in a relationship with an experienced Dom before. At that point in his life, he realized premarital sex was wrong too and was committed to waiting until marriage to have sex again. But he still identified himself as a Dom. He wasn’t a sadist and didn’t want to cause any pain, but he very much wanted to be in control of everything. There was mutual respect and trust, and he wasn’t abusive like Christian Grey. I realized we pushed boundaries a bit (like we probably shouldn’t have and which I repented for afterwards), like while he was kissing me he’d pull my hair or hold my hands together behind my back or tell me I was a good girl and things like that. We never actually did anything except kiss though, as we were committed to saving sex for marriage. We talked about marriage being in our future and starting a family someday and everything, but it never ended up happening. Instead, I eventually broke up with him. To this day, I still don’t know whether a D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship would be okay or wrong for a married couple, as long as they both agree on it and there’s no pain involved. I’m really not sure. Part of me thinks it would be okay, because what’s wrong with a wife submitting to her husband? But at the same time, I think some things (like pain, humiliation, and degradation) are entirely wrong. So I don’t really know. Thoughts?

    • Patrick

      Hey Missy.
      I’m a virgin too (Woo! Virgin’s Until Marriage, Assemble!), so I can’t say too much about sex in a marriage. But I have been in great, God- and other- and self-honoring relationships with others. I really do believe that any version of sex that puts a feeling of pleasure over a feeling of connection and love is not what God wants. It’s weird to think about, but the orgasms and ejaculations will happen anyway. If the respectful connection, love, and care are there, that’s great. It’s something that everyone should look at, and I can’t make any big judgments away from this.
      With love!

  • Albibird

    I’ve said it many times before: Stop using The Message!

    I’m not a believer, but I recognize the cultural and historical importance of the bible – even if I don’t believe any of the supernatural claims, I still respect history enough not to mangle it with that pathetic excuse for a translation. The words may sound good, but they often have only a vague similarity to the source text.

  • Clarence

    Clarence’s not so quick movie reviews- 50 shades of Grey= Okay

    Went to see the movie Tuesday. This is the review I gave.

    Going to go a little more in depth with this one because of all of the noise around it.

    Let’s get the sex part out of the way first.
    Yes, there were sex scenes but if you’ve seen an “R” rated movie it’s about the same. This was no where near hardcore BDSM. Mostly just light restraint with some spanking. One hard spanking scene toward the end.
    Plot: Despite what many in the Christian community are being told, the movie doesn’t really glorify the BDSM lifestyle. In fact the major thing I got from the movie was that It was about HER showing HIM that BDSM ISN’T REAL LOVE.

    The Characters:
    Christian Grey: The main character was introduced at 15 to that lifestyle by a female friend of the family. This led to him becoming the way he is in the book/movie
    Her: She apparently was a virgin. Many women become hooked on the first guy they sleep with which led to her being easily manipulated.

    Another thing the movie showed which is true is that if you have a ton of money, a lot of people look the other way even when it should be OBVIOUS that something’s not right. If he wasn’t rich, he wouldn’t have gotten close to this girl. He would have been perceived as the narcissistic, weirdo, controlling, STALKER that he actually is. Showing up Unannounced at a persons family function, job, and in their apartment after they’ve told you they don’t want to be bothered with you? Not cool! He would have gotten a restraining order! But he was super rich so fiiiiine?

    Also, there are two other books in this series. 50 Shades darker and 50 Shades Freed. I read briefs of both. Each book moves further away from the BDSM lifestyle and by the last book they are married with two kids.

    Lastly: background music- I’m gonna go get this soundtrack! Lots of great songs in the movie! From Frank Sinatra to Beyoncé!

Thanks, you're signed up!

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your 1st email from us as NOT SPAM

PS. If you don't get your 1st email in the next 5 minutes check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×

Thanks, you're signed up!

Thanks for registering for the 30 Day Challenge!

We will be sending you an email shortly.

Please make sure you do these two things so you get your emails:

1. Add [email protected] to your address book
2. Mark your email from us as NOT SPAM

PS. If you don't get your email in the next few hours check your spam folder.
Find out how you can make sure our emails get to your inbox here. ×
You really want to exit? ×
logo XXchurch is a project of Fireproof Ministries a 501(c)(3) nonprofit – EIN 33-0823570 Privacy & Cookies Policy


PO Box 50048 Pasadena, CA 91115
[email protected]

Latest Blog Posts