Previously I wrote a blog post that was called 7 Keys To Great Sex (if you missed it go ahead and read that one first). I heard from a number of people and even talked about some of the reactions that the post got on my podcast “Craig’s Car Ride.”
One thing I noticed is: when you talk about sex, it gets a big reaction. Some good and some bad, and while I totally understand this is a sensitive topic, ultimately we want to see people having great marriages, and an important part of having a great marriage is having great sex. Why?
Here are 7 reasons:
#1. Sex Helps Couples Reconnect From The Disconnect Caused Through Everyday Life.
Wow! That’s wordy especially for me. Here is a shorter way to say it: sex helps couples resolve conflict. Don’t believe me? Try having sex while you are mad with one another. It is easy to get busy and stay busy and get mad and get madder. When things like that happen in life, sex gets put on the back burner and you stay disconnected. If you are working on having great sex and trying to have sex multiple times a week at least, I believe it’s going to force you to pay more attention to each others’ needs and feelings — and clear the air on things a bit quicker then you would. Make-up sex is amazing as well, so that is a plus to resolving your conflict.
#2. Sex Fulfills a Basic Need/Want.
I hate reading things or talking to people who just assume men are the only ones that like to have sex. Women like sex, too! At the core, sex is something that is desired, longed for, and needed. If you are married and not doing it, then you’re simply missing out on one of the joys of marriage. One of the love languages is “Physical Touch” and last time I checked, sex counts for physical touch. If this is your spouse’s love language, then they “feel” loved when you make love. Also, as my friend Shaunti observed in her book For Women Only: men especially feel like they can conquer anything in the workplace if they feel like they are winning in the bedroom, so your husband’s self-esteem can even go up the more you have sex.
#3. Sex Creates Intense Intimacy Like Nothing Else
Sex unites you. Sex builds physical intimacy. (Tweet This!) It’s when my wife and I are “closest” both figuratively and literally. It bonds the couple together. For women, a powerful bonding hormone called oxytocin is released in the brain during only two activities: breastfeeding a baby or sexual orgasm. Sex connects a husband and wife on a physical, emotional and spiritual level. It mirrors the kind of spiritual intimacy we can have with God. Need I say more?
#4 Sex lowers stress in Life and In Marriage.
Sex can be an escape at times, something that temporarily dims the cares of the world and releases stress. Sexually satisfied couples are less likely to be stressed out and angry.
#5. Sex is Fun… Irreplaceable FUN
FUN, FUN, and MORE FUN. It’s fun, and we need more fun in our marriages! The act is fun. The memories of the act are fun. The visuals from the act are fun. The workout, the exploration of each other’s bodies. The experimenting. The practice. I know for me and most guys I know, we want a naked visual or mental replay of sex to have with our wives as the star. If no sex happens, then the images that pop up are not of their wife. (Incidentally, my friend Shaunti and I just finished writing a book for women about the visual nature of men that will be out next year; can’t wait for you all to read that.)
#6. Sex is The Best Feeling Ever.
There’s a reason sex drives so much of our culture and what we do: it feels amazing. Seriously. It’s awesome and is a gift created exclusively for married couples to enjoy together, so why wouldn’t you? It’s good for you. There have to be plenty of studies to back that up!
#7. Sex Protects Both Partners From Sexual Temptation Outside The Marriage.
If none of the above are met, then you’re roommates at best; your spouse will eventually look elsewhere to find validation and love. This is tough to hear, but if you were able to read my emails and hear the conversations I have, you would see how important it is to be having sex. Now, I have also talked to several people who claim to have a great sex life but still had a partner who cheated, so I am not saying sex is a guarantee against adultery, BUT frequent sex will lower the risk and temptation. There are a number of needs that need to be met in marriage – physical, spiritual, and emotional – and you need to be careful that you are meeting all of these not just concentrating on one.
Want to experience truly great sex in your marriage? Even if it’s great already, are you excited about the idea of making it even better? Learn how to start enjoying a better sex life in our video workshop “Best Sex Life Now.”