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30 DAY PORN FREE CHALLENGE

30 DAYS OF ADVICE TO HELP YOU STAY PORN FREE

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9 Reasons Men Should Stay Away from Porn

by Tyler Ward on August 8th, 2015 in Men

xxxchurch - 9 Reasons Men Should Stay Away from PornPornography has little to do with sex and everything to do with fantasy. And if not confronted, this addiction to fantasy can become a consuming fire threatening all quality of life. So before you go looking again for that woman on the screen, here are nine reasons to stay away from porn.

1. Porn makes you unhappy and bored.

Research says that those who regularly indulge themselves in pornography are more likely to have higher levels of anxiety and depression and lower levels of self-esteem than those who don’t. The brain is to blame for this.

Apparently, as one artificially stimulates the pleasure center of their brain with porn, it perpetually weakens in its ability to respond to natural kinds of pleasure.

Before we know it, real life has to compete with the unnatural and artificial levels of chemical excitement that porn offers. Real life—and our marriage—often lose this competition.

Pamela Paul, the author of Pornified, puts it this way: “Pornography leaves men desensitized to both outrage and to excitement, leading to an overall diminishment of feeling and eventually to dis- satisfaction with the emotional tugs of everyday life . . . Eventually they are left with a confusing mix of supersized expectations and numbed emotions . . . and become imbued with indifference. The real world often gets really boring.”

Sex with our wives proves to be quite a different story. The natural chemicals and pleasure real sex creates doesn’t inflate our expectations or numb our emotions. According to studies performed by the Institute for the Study of Labor, real sex actually makes us happier. The same studies also show that married people have more sex than those who are not married, and even experience far higher levels of satisfaction in life.

2. Porn neuters you.

Some people believe that pornography can add excitement to their sex life. However, studies prove just the opposite. Porn actually produces less intimacy between partners, less romantic excitement, and less satisfaction in real sexual experiences.

Dr. Mary Anne Layden writes in The Social Cost of Pornography, “I have also seen in my clinical experience that pornography damages the sexual performance of the viewers. Pornography viewers tend to have problems with premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. Having spent so much time in unnatural sexual experiences with paper, celluloid and cyberspace, they seem to find it difficult to have sex with a real human being.”

Because of pornography, men have trouble getting turned on by their wives who happen to not be cybersex slaves. As a result, they don’t enjoy real sex nearly as much as they used to. This is because porn makes us less satisfied with our partner’s affection, physical appearance, and sexual performance.

On the contrary, when porn isn’t a part of marriage, real sex proves to only get better with time. Sociologist Mandi Norwood discovered this socially unenforced reality after interviewing several hundred women. She found that married women are satisfied in the bedroom because of years of practice, less inhibitions, and the time to learn their partner.

3. Porn is not manly.

Though conquering that woman on the screen in your mind may make you feel like a man, there’s nothing manly about it.

Real sex involves you. All of your fears. All of your insecurities. All of your capacity to give.

It also involves another very real person. All her needs. All of her baggage. All of her propensity to judge you and hurt your dignity.

Porn requires no work, no sacrifice, and no maturity. Real sex in marriage requires you to risk, to be vulnerable, to give yourself fully to another person. This kind of intimacy is not for boys. It’s for men only.

4. Porn doesn’t make friends.

Studies show that men who use porn commonly become isolated from others, highly introverted, narcissistic, dissociative, and distractible. In other words, it doesn’t exactly make you a likable person.

Neurochemistry teaches that the more that you bond with fantasies on your computer screen, the harder it is to actually bond with real people. This is because the strongest bonding substance in our lives is oxytocin—the hormone released during orgasm.

As this powerful bonding substance becomes consistently associated with porn, it becomes easier for us to feel connected in fantasy than it is in reality.

Porn kills human connection. And human connection is what relationship lives and dies by.

5. Porn is a professional liability.

Pornography is the master of preoccupation. According to recent polls, 18 percent of men who view porn regularly admit to be distracted by it even when not online, and 30 percent acknowledge that their work performance suffers because of this distraction.

In striking contrast, research also proves that across the board, men who have a healthy sex life make more money than those who don’t.

You decide what’s better.

6. Porn hurts your significant other.

It’s easy to think that your porn habit is private, and doesn’t affect anyone but you. Yet as we’ve already seen, porn inevitably kills a man’s ability to emotionally connect and consistently monopolizes his desires.

Whether your wife knows you are using pornography or not, your actions have already hurt her.

Rabbi Arush puts it this way: “A woman is not just a body, but a vibrant soul that thrives on intimacy, attention, communication, consideration, respect, and the love of two souls binding together. A husband that focuses on his own physical gratification doesn’t provide his wife with any of the emotional and spiritual gratification that is the basis of her vitality.”

7. Porn will turn you into “that guy.”

You know “that guy.” Most crowds have at least one. He’s the one who cares about no one but himself. He sees you and all others as commodities to be used, not people to be cared for. No matter how much you can’t stand “that guy,” as long as you continue to dabble in porn, you run the risk of becoming him.

Gail Dines puts it bluntly in her book Pornland. “In the story of porn, men are soulless, unfeeling, amoral life-support systems… who are entitled to use women in any way they want. These men demonstrate zero empathy, respect, or love for the women they have sex with.”

No one wants to be “that guy.” What’s more, no one wants to be with “that guy” who only sees women as consumable objects and cares for no one but himself.

8. Porn will never actually do it for you. 

“Just as Twinkies are artificially enhanced,” says the nonprofit team Fight the New Drug, “and modified food that really aren’t good for you, pornography is an artificially enhanced and modified sexual experience that isn’t good for you either, and your body knows it.”

Lust, in its nature, is never satisfied. It only wants more.

9. Porn will kill your relationship.

In the eight reasons above, we’ve looked to science, social studies, and history to witness the effects that pornography has on those who entertain it. We’ve seen that it kills everything long- term love is built on: human connection, trust, and self-sacrifice. It’s no wonder, then, that at least 56 percent of divorce cases today involve one party who compulsively visits pornographic websites.

Your marriage may survive your habit for a period of time. However, if you continue to choose fantasy over reality, it will inevitably destroy your ability to love your wife.

As modern men, we certainly have plenty of unnatural things to navigate to keep our marriages healthy and alive. However, my hope is that—with a vision of a marriage that is worth fighting for—we’re more determined than ever to do just that.

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  • valdestrate

    Literally have to disagree with everything here. Not only is everyone biased about their opinions, they’re also outdated and reinforcing the social stigmas involved with porn. Do some actual modem updated and neutral research. You would be surprised.

    • Tyson

      Valdestrate
      It appears that you too are biased. I did do some neutral research through scholarly sources to see what scientific evidence there is to substantiate the above article- there is plenty. Just read the abstract from published journals and you will get the idea. There are however, some statements made for example

      “However, research among sociologists, psychologists, or psychiatrists has not
      formally identified addictive use of the Internet as a problematic behavior.” (Young K, 1998) could be skewed to be “modem updated and neutral research” to be read that there in fact is no problem, even though the abract continues to say that it is an Impulsive control disorder.

      You see what you want valdestrate. I will pray for you.

      • Rob

        Umm ya the last one it destroys real relationships. Ya I know that is true for a fact.

    • Jodi Hoffman

      Just curious as to exactly how you define the terms “modern,” “updated” and “neutral.”

  • Kerri Stites

    Thank you! LOVE THIS!

    I especially love when you said this: Porn requires no work, no sacrifice, and no maturity. Real sex in marriage requires you to risk, to be vulnerable, to give yourself fully to another person. This kind of intimacy is not for boys. It’s for men only.

    Thank you very much for writing this!

  • Patrick

    The self-obsession of the modern church is always evident in articles, books, and sermons that try to steer men away from porn. As true as the nine reasons to avoid porn listed here are, the number one reason to avoid it–particularly for anyone who professes any faith in Jesus Christ–is that it is made out of the destroyed lives of others.

    The people on camera are putting themselves at huge risks for harmful and deadly consequences. They frequently have to drug themselves into a stupor to get through their scenes. And many of them do all this simply because they need money–the money that is available because people, including some Christians of course, are willing to pay or let their “clicks” increase a website’s ad revenue.

    I saw a report about one porn model who contracted HIV on one of her first jobs. She was crushed, fragile and working to be hopeful as she spoke about what had happened to her.

    Christians need to understand what porn is, how it’s made, and how its production scars and sometimes kills people. Those performers and models have personal responsibility too obviously, but there would be a lot less temptation for them to make bad choices if the pay scale for porn weren’t what it is, and the only hope of lowering it is for more people to see the porn industry as the slaughterhouse that it is.

    Becoming aware of these realities is why people who profess to follow the ultimate example of sacrificial love need to stay away from porn. And once you are aware of how porn harms those who make it, the idea of trying to keep some suburban male away from it by talking about how it’s harming him will start to seem offensive all by itself.

    • Melissa

      Beautifully said. Thank you, Patrick. I admire that so much.

    • stemund

      very good 🙂 ur right may we just always remember

      • stemund

        about what this “models” go through sad…

    • Rob

      Well said. I agree!

  • Uggghhh

    The problem with this article is the conclusions that it draws. It appears that the author takes facts from studies (that aren’t linked, btw) and draws broad conclusions that aren’t in line with the topic of the research. For instance, number 4: “Studies show that men who use porn commonly become isolated from others, highly introverted, narcissistic, dissociative, and distractible. In other words, it doesn’t exactly make you a likeable person.” This statement links a set of personality traits (introverted, narcissistic, dissociative, and detractable) as *results* of porn use. It’s equally (or more) likely that these are the *reasons* that drive people (because let’s be realistic, women use porn, too) to use porn, not the other way around.

    The article is well written to inspire those who already believe what it says. Perhaps the author should look at addressing the need that people feel to use porn, and talk about treating those problems instead.

    • David

      The more you quit analyzing these arguments that might not seem incredibly accurate and even cited, and the more time you focus on how they might be helpful, you might find yourself closer to stop looking at porn, and closer to a more fulfilling lifestyle. Quit finding a reason to justify your actions by nit picking every article you read. Yes, I am nit picking your comment but I was just like you. I tried to find every reason to continue looking at porn even though everything pointed towards it hurting me. Please, don’t be “that guy”.

      • Melissa

        Exactly. People who watch porn are EXTREMELY defensive. They remind me of Gollum in Lord of the Rings and how he wants his “precious.” If they don’t deep down think there is something wrong with porn, why are they curious enough to check out an anti-porn site? What is the point of coming here if you supposedly know what you’re doing is okay?

      • Lykbird

        What you seem to be saying is that if Uggghhh just stopped looking for backing evidence and accepted the claims without question, he will reach the conclusion you want to see.

  • lolo

    Some negative opinions in here makes me sad. I’LL pray for you.

  • Guest

    The Reddit subgroup “NoFap” has better reasons, and better explained benefits of this over there.

    While this article can be summed up as “Be a man, not a boy” kind of taunt, the Reddit group (with almost 100,000 followers) says following that lifestyle will give men more sex, more energy and more money. Its not the usual churchy “meek & mild” approach but its effective.

    BTW I accept any and all passive-agressive prayers!

    • gideon

      yea may God have mercy on us

  • JE

    porn is sinful which leads to hell… pretty good reason for me 😉

  • Kim

    Everything is true seen it happen to my ex and that’s why he is my ex

  • J. Marsh

    I’m not totally sure that a woman can explain what a Man goes through and thinks living with a porn addiction.

  • jen

    I was married to a porn addict, and most of this is true. Based on who he was then and who he continues to be. My daughter even informed me she unintentionally found some inapproriate pictures on his pc. And he is remarried.. as i was reading this, it all adds up..

  • JP

    I have struggled with Porn and I believe all these points are true. I’m aware of what I’m doing but find it hard to not do it. My marriage, my life and relationships with people are not good. I find myself very depressed and withdrawn from life.

  • yeyeye345

    This is amazing.

  • Dude

    Awesome article. best Ive ever seen!

    Answers allot of questions. Thank you

  • Willy Billy

    Yeah, why save people on a donation bases when Jesus can profit off the weak. $100 really? At least my porn is free you Jesus squealing capitalists.

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