I recently began a relationship with a wonderful, Godly woman. When we started dating I was terrified about what would happen if I had to talk about my Pornography addiction. I mean, I had done all the right things to help get and keep on the narrow road such as finding an accountability partner, installing a filter and monitoring software (which sends weekly reports to my accountability partner), and praying that God would forgive me and help me.
Even though I knew I’d done all I could I was afraid that it would be too much for my new girlfriend to deal with this early in our relationship. I was consumed with the question of whether I should tell her and if I should, when would be the right time?
One night sitting on a bench in “our spot” by a small pond I mentioned that there were things in my past that I want to tell her about but that it scared me too much for me to tell her right now. Being the loving woman she is she allowed me the space to discuss it with God and come to her when I felt I was ready. Well, about a month later I came clean and as I braced myself to be escorted out of her apartment or slapped in the face, the most amazing thing happened: God showed up. He showed up in my girlfriend who showed tremendous grace and understanding and assured me it wasn’t a big deal and as long I’m always honest about it and kept the structures in place it will never pose a problem in our relationship or change the way she thinks about me.
I asked her right out “why doesn’t this scare you”? She asked if I really wanted to know, to which I replied in the affirmative. She said after that night in the park she was praying and God told her it was pornography. She also said that God had been teaching her a lot about grace, forgiveness, and the “equality” of sin. Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand the destructive power of sexual sin, but the fact is that all sin separates us from God and it reminds of Matthew 7:3 (“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?). We can’t immediately start rejecting people because of their sin. We need to look for signs of repentance, forgiveness, and a desire to be whole and understand we all have our “stuff” to deal with. This doesn’t mean that we excuse beahviour but we look for the signs of healing and wholeness and move on from there. This is what God showed my girlfriend and what he allowed me to show her and that’s why we now know we can trust each other with anything.
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