We live in a world that can be so confusing at times. As an ex-porn star, I clearly remember feeling overwhelmed and out of place in life. It was almost as though I knew I wasn’t living the life I was designed to live.
Because I felt unfulfilled, I started searching for contentment in many different areas. “If only I had enough money, fame, and praise from people, then I would have it all. Then I would be happy.” These subconscious thoughts became my driving force in life. I sought after all these things, and I received each of them — praise, money, and fame. But guess what? None of these things were enough.
I had hundreds of thousands of fans on Twitter praising me daily, and it still wasn’t enough. I made $30k per month, and it still wasn’t enough. One day my search for happiness led me to Cornerstone Church of San Diego. I’ll never forget walking into the church as they played what is called worship music. As I walked in, I felt chills all over my body. I remember telling someone about this. He gently chuckled and said, “That’s God’s presence.” I had never felt this before, but I knew for the first time in my life that I was where I was supposed to be.
The next morning I woke up, grabbed my phone, and searched youtube for worship music. I closed my eyes and listened to every word. The “chills” came back, and I knew God was with me. Every day since I have both listened to worship music and sang it out loud to God.
All this time, I had desired to be praised by people when all along, I was designed to bring praise to God. When this shift in my heart changed, my whole world began to change.
It’s through my worship that I have been able to have daily encounters in God’s presence. Friend, let me tell you, my life would not have changed without God’s presence. I would have still been a slave to my addictions, lust, depression, and so much more if God’s presence hadn’t radically changed my life! I’ll even confidently say that I would be dead by now had it not been for God’s presence.
What have you been struggling with lately? Is it a porn addiction? Are you having trouble in your marriage? Do you need some peace, guidance, and strength in your life? Today, I encourage you to try what’s worked for me for the past seven years. Worship.
Today, search Youtube for worship music. Some of my favorite artists are Hillsong and Elevation Worship. If you’re new to this, start by closing your eyes and listen to the lyrics. If you feel comfortable, sing the words aloud. God hears you, and your worship will attract His presence. His presence will change the areas of your life that you want to change.