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Can I Masturbate to Photos of My Wife?

by Craig Gross on November 19th, 2018 in Podcast, Men, Women, Couples, Spouses

 

About This Episode

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Welcome back to another episode of the Panic Button Podcast. This week, I’ve got another question about masturbation. The email asks: 

“What’s your take on masturbation if I do think of my wife?”

It’s a good question, honestly. I travel a lot, I’m away from my wife for weeks at a time, so I get it. Here’s what I hear from this question, “Hey, I’m traveling, or I’m going overseas, or I’m gone a lot for work… and I need to take care of myself.”

This month we’re talking about self-control. Frankly, I think we all just struggle with what that actually means.

Personally, if I wait four days without masturbating, I’m going to be really excited to see my wife when I get home, and happy to have sex.

But this idea of I can’t wait..!

Well, why not involve your wife in that?

I know it can be a little awkward. Rather than rub one out alone, though, why not call her and say, “Hey, I miss you,” and have a little sweet talk?

There might be some embarrassment or awkwardness, but there’s no shame in that. If you can’t even talk with your wife about it, you’re going to masturbate and you’re going to feel guilty. That’s where the shame will come from. Sex is meant to be shared between you and your spouse. When you just masturbate on your own without her (or without him), I think you do yourself a disservice.

I’m not the masturbation police, but here’s my recommendation: if you’re away from your spouse, and you miss him or you miss her and you feel that urge, rather than just thinking about them… why don’t you call them?

It might lead to some fun that you can share together.

 

Our Favorite Quotes From This Podcast Episode

  • Here’s the answer… I think it’s okay (in the context for which the question was asked).
  • Shame is the enemy… And some of you might fight me on this, but for you to desire your spouse at that level is okay.
  • If you’re away and you can’t wait, why not involve your wife in that? I know it can be a little awkward, but rather than rub one out alone, why not call her and say, “Hey, I miss you,” and have a little sweet talk?
  • Sex is meant to be shared between you and your spouse.
  • You’re away from your spouse. You miss her. You miss him. You feel that urge. Rather than just thinking about them… call! (Maybe your discussion can lead to some fun.)
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  • It’s like you said – sex is meant to be SHARED with your spouse. Not with your hand. I would never judge a guy if he had a slip or masturbated to thoughts of his wife. It’s certainly not the worst thing you can do. But I definitely wouldn’t encourage him to simply take that as a way out just because he needs a release. The body has other ways of release that can occur naturally if need be. But I think my general encouragement for a guy would be to save his thoughts, his desires, his needs for when he is actually PHYSICALLY present with his wife. That might sound old-school and maybe even archaic to some, but I think it’s the healthiest option.

    • Christian Sexuality & Healing

      The issue here is whether this is actually sex. And in fact, if we accept that that time can be shared with God, a private devotional time, then as long as his wife consents to it, then it is not quite what you suggest. Masturbation is a natural means of release from sexual tension, it being a natural bodily function to become sexually aroused and to experience sexual release.

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